Why didn’t you tell me … that it’s hard for guys to send a loved one off to war? Yesterday I saw my girlfriend get on a bus and leave for a seven month deployment in Afghanistan. Our love is still young but has grown like a wild fire.
I knew what to expect for her deployment send off. I myself had served four years in the Marine Corps and had two combat deployments and countless other deployments in between so I knew what the usual scenario was for a deployment. What I didn’t expect was the wave of emotions that would over come me as I watched the best thing in my life get on that bus to leave me for a war on the other side of the world.
It’s a different feeling being the one left behind. When I was the one deploying I was excited and full of piss and vinegar, but now that I’m the one staying behind, I don’t like it. It’s only been one day and yet there is a large emptiness weighing on my shoulders. I know she will be fine, but there is still that what if. I am trying to be strong but find it a little hard at moments. I’ve been looking for information online on how to cope and make it through this deployment but most of everything I have found caters towards wives and girlfriends, not much for the husbands and boyfriends. Are there any sites or groups for the men left behind out there? Because I think I’m gonna need it.
Mike G. is from Lady’s Island, South Carolina. His now fiancée, Becki, is a motor transport operator in the United States Marine Corps stationed on Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort and is currently deployed to Afghanistan. Mike served as an Assault Man in the Marine Corps with 2 combat deployments to Iraq. He is currently enjoying civilian life as a firefighter and is currently a candidate for the FDNY.
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I would imagine that it would be tough for either a man or a woman. It is not a great situation. I think you experienced one of the hardest parts in realizing that it isn't all candy and festivals or something equally wonderful when they leave us to go away. It is hard to be on this side of the deployment. My husband is currently in Afghanistan. This is his 4th deployment. It definitely takes some getting used to! I will give you some tips! :) I think you have some things going for you already. You are involved in something (page says you are a firefighter) and not sitting around like a lump. That helps, a lot. Also one of the most important things is that you have a positive attitude and your comment that she will be fine is how you need to think. It helps to plan the future and think about the time when she gets back. If you were ever in a relationship when you were deployed some of those same coping things will be good. Just remember that it is easier on their side of the deployment to wait longer to call and try to stay focused on the job at hand.
Many of the spouse support groups are not only for women, but many whiny women will take them over. Be careful not to get caught up in that pity party, tear-fest, fighting that can go on. Some of my womanish stuff won't really help you, but I randomly wear his shirts just because I like seeing them in the laundry. I don't throw away his bathroom crap even though much of it will be experienced when he gets home because it is a comfort to see his shaving cream or shower soap. And corny, I know, but I have this picture that I place on his pillow so I don't forget to say good night. I think it is important to save a place for them in our lives because it is easy to get busy and leave them out when they aren't here. And then we won't miss them or care that they aren't here. Or that's how I feel anyway. You should expect that the first couple weeks really suck while you adjust to not having them around. Also, I watch the news because information makes me feel better and like I am somewhat in control, even though I am not at all. Many people advise military families not to watch the news, but then I just worry worse!
I wish you an easy deployment and hope that you can avoid the pitfalls of it and keep your relationship intact. It is tough and takes hard work, but you will be stronger at the end!
At our last unit, we had two male spouses and I saw how they felt excluded from the typical female spouse get-togethers. I really hope you can find a group that gives you the support you need while your girlfriend is away. Who knows, maybe you are the one to start one in your area! :) https://www.facebook.com/MANningtheHomefront#%21/… http://1102productions.com/Macho%20Spouse.html
MANing the Homefront is run by our very own SpouseBuzz contributor Wayne!
I know how you feel. Yesterday my wife left on her first deployment. Typically Air Force deployments are 6 months. The thing is, my wife leaves for 4 and 1/2 but i deploy in July and will not be back until Febuary, so we wont be able to be together for 8 months. After the wave of emotions that hit me harder than a ton of bricks yesterday i have a huge understanding of what an army or marine spouse would feel having to be separated for a year or more. My hats off to you man it looks as if were in the exact same boat.