On a recent trip to visit a family, we stayed up late every night and parked ourselves on the couch every morning for a marathon viewing of “Survivor.” The dad, divorced and recently back from Afghanistan, had recorded the most recent season while deployed, and we enjoyed it with him and his daughters who were visiting for the summer. As with normal viewing of the show, we all commented back to the TV during nasty or ridiculous moments, or while fast-forwarding through commercials, stated who we liked, or didn’t like, and why.
And then came the oh-so emotional time when the contestants were able finally to see family. Finally as in: we’ve been separated for 30 days.
That’s just a TDY!
We were were not moved to tears; rather we were moved to get-reals. We all burst out laughing and then yelled, “Are you kidding me?” The 13-year-old daughter, who knows the difficulty of separation when she lives five states away not to mention the six months her dad was deployed, accurately summed up the feelings of the room when she stated, “It has been thirty days, people … get a grip!”
I realize it is hot/cold/wet/uncomfortable on the island; the stress of not having food/bed/shelter all while playing a stressful game can make a beautiful setting not enjoyable one bit. But c’mon. Seriously? The crying and joy of seeing family after 30 days was completely lost on us … two military families who said “goodbye” to military members headed into war zones for waaaay more than thirty days. Where, guess what, it is hot/cold/uncomfortable. Where people aren’t just trying to outwit/outplay/outlast you, but KILL you.
As with the unrealistic tear-jerker book commercial, this was not a tear-jerk moment for me … it was a moment of how lucky some families have it and how out of sync most of America must be when it comes to danger and sacrifice. Where being apart for 30 days is the longest they have gone with not seeing one another, and they just cannot understand how they have made it through.
Welcome to just a small part of our world.
Does our lack of emotional connection to those TV moments make us jaded, or does it mean we have a better grasp of what sacrifice and separation means?
And wouldn’t it be wonderful if every military member got a million dollars for surviving?
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I especially enjoy the endings of Wife Swap for just this reason…the whole two weeks they have been seperated, the slow motion run from one limo to the other, as the wife leaps into the husband's arms and weeps against his neck….all the pent up stress released from the hardship they endured during that two weeks of seperation where they were in someone else's home, almost breaking their spirits, I mean, it was AWFUL, and until then they didn't know Just.How.Good.They.Has.It……and now the reunion. And I get to sit there and think are you freaking kidding me?
Oh my! I forgot all about the wife swap reunions! Another one that will never see me reaching for the tissue box.
I feel the same way during Biggest Loser…when they talk about how hard it is to focus on losing weight because they are missing their families so badly (or even better – when they LEAVE THE SHOW because they've been away from home for two weeks and can't take it). Yes – having world class trainers and personal nutritionists and the possibility of winning $250k while you are away from your family must be SUPER stressful. Yeesh. ;)
My husband has been gone a lot in our 13 yeas of marriage and in the USAF (15 years for him). The longest deployment was only 4.5 months. But we spent 4 LONG years with him home 2-5 days and gone 2-3 weeks. Now, he's home each night as we live life outside the C-17 flying world here in Rota, Spain. However, I strongly believe that ANY time away from Daddy (or mommy) is hard. Life is out of the ordinary, whether it's a weekend trip or an 18 month deployment. It's hard to be mommy and daddy for any length of time. I can't compare my hardship of 4.5 months apart with anyone elses. Life is just tough, no matter what!
With that said, the show you referenced does seem silly…to us, 30 days is no big deal from most military wives perspective. Really??? An entire show for a 30 day deployment! COME ON! Give us something REAL…how about my dear Army wife friends who experience 18 month deployments over and over again?!?!? Try THAT for a reality show Hollywood! (PS…I get very little TV here in Spain and watch very little anyways, so there might be a reality show about 18 month deployments already.)
Hi Heidi! Good to read your article :) I am not missing AL heat this summer at all!!!
We feel exactly the same way!! Waahh!! No sympathy for people who CHOOSE to be away in exchange for possible 1 million dollars. We often joke about folks who can’t take their spouse being gone for a weekend fishing trip!! Ordinary, normal or not for mil spouses? I think we are stronger and get that proximity to your spouse daily is not required to survive. You are right, Heidi. Average Americans do not have a frame of reference for true survival.
That was the number one reason why I left the service. I felt it would be so selfish on my part to put my future family through what I had seen many of my brother's in arms go through during 6 month MEU deployments and open ended detachments. I could go through it all over again, loving it, with a big smile on my face and feeling as if I was on top of the world. I don't, however, have the heart to ask my loved ones to share in the hardship without any glory or honors, quite the opposite.
Having observed the general reactions and levels of ignorance and indiference regarding military service to our country has only helped to support my decision to leave the military and join the 1stCivDiv. I'm not saying Americans aren't entitled to their views, and (mis)judgements, of THEIR military. I am saying that this Marine has learned a valuable lesson in personal priorities and freedom of choice.
This article just reaffirmed my feelings that those shows are meant for pure entertainment and lack a true connection to Americans. In all the years Survivor has been on the air I never seen it and I don't intend to. I have talked to non-military families and they for the most part are in awe of how we handle separations and admit that it would be very difficult on them if one parent had to be away for an extended period of time. So, I am sure those thirty days were very hard. All things are relative to our own views but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't be sympathetic.
omg such crap lol i get so mad when someone is crying over there lover , boyfriend, husband being gone for a damn weekend i mean come on our husbands are gone 15-18 months and you cant deal with a week3end or a month wow.
That's why I think I am jaded…not good, not bad…just jaded. And not in a superior "we are military spouses and awesome because we withstand hardship" kind of way, but in a way that I can truthfully admit I don't have much sympathy for what I call safe separations: when both parties have all needs met other than being together. I agree with you that what is a challenge for one family is routine for another, just wondering if we were the only ones out there that have issues with TV reality drama.
I wouldnt call it "reality" either. They probably had a real reunion, then a second because the first wasnt dramatic enough, then someone decided camera angle was off…then you get what is on tv. Army Wives dramatizes it too, all tv does! I find it annoying when people are all, OMG its not big deal I do this all the time for a war! Got it, so do we. So do thousands of other people, and millions before us.