Over here aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, the ever-helpful MCCS has decided to hold a Ball Etiquette Class. As I was informed at our family readiness meeting yesterday, it’s all about “knowing where to put your napkin, what fork to use when, how to behave, all that ball stuff!”
I’m assuming our FRO has never watched Pretty Woman. Because if MCCS wants to hold a ball-related educational event, I’ll totally go to watch the scene where the hotel manager teaches Julia Roberts to work from the outside in. They could even get smart and serve popcorn and champagne.
I’m also assuming he’s never paid much attention at a ball. Because I’ve never been to one where they’ve given me any more silverware than I get at Applebee’s, where I’m also expected to navigate my way through two whole forks and a butter knife. And they don’t even offer a class to show me how. Plus, I’m pretty sure the likelihood we’ll ever need to use that tricky snail utensil at a military ball is slim to none.
If we are going to hold a ball-themed class, though, let’s make it actually worthwhile. We could have three main themes:
1. Lingerie still isn’t clothing.
2. This is a work event.
3. Lingerie really, really, really isn’t clothing. Really.
At my first ball, I admit I was a bit awed. It wasn’t the Marines all fancy-schmancy in their dress blues, or the fairly awe-inspiring traditions that get me teary every time.
It was this: as someone who insists on watching the Miss America pageant yearly, I still had never seen so much skin popping out of a dress as I did at that ball. I didn’t even know where you could buy a dress like that. Obviously, I had yet to study the women’s section of the PX during ball season.
Now, the last time I suggested that lingerie isn’t clothing, I was met with much ado about being a stodgy walking advertisement for Amish clothiers and wife of what must clearly be a wandering-eyed Marine. I’d like to set the record straight: I, too, take great joy in finding something super hot and drool-worthy gorgeous to wear to the balls, and my husband’s eyes are just for me unless we’re looking at a picture of Scarlett Johansson, because even I can’t help ogling then. I love a hot red dress, sexy LBD, and dangerously high heels, but I also know when to leave those in the closet. And if MCCS’s recent advertisements for their annual ExtravaGOWNza* is any clue, they’re the ones who actually need a class on what not to wear to a military ball.
So, with no further ado, let’s start the fight again:
1. Lingerie is still not clothing.
Just say no.
2. Equally unfitting is the dress that says “I’m showing more skin than I’m covering.” Because y’all, it’s not actually more sexy. Nor is it flirtingly cute. Also, it looks particularly chilly in all those super-air-conditioned venues that accommodate our decked-out spouses in their blues. And the ones who are actually looking are the other dates. Us. And what we’re doing might be more adequately described as staring.
Love that love-handle breeze. This dress even does double-duty. It’s that “I really want to be upgraded to wife” white look *and* the “have you seen my hipbones?” dress. The answer? Yes, we have. We did at the beach all summer. It’s not the summer anymore.
3. Equally confusing are the dresses that look like you finally bought the dress your mother wouldn’t allow you to wear to the prom and your father said “over my dead body.” You know the one.
Sufficed to say, your parents were right.
4. Then there are the dresses that just make us – the other women there – confused. I should elaborate that these dresses confuse men, too, and they frequently lean over and ask us what you’re wearing. We shrug our shoulders because we honestly have no idea.
Is this a dress? Or is this a spider web? Do we even know?
5. Then there’s this one. We’ve all seen it.
We’ve seen it in every color, every combination, and every possible smattering of rhinestone adornments. It’s just never a good idea.
6. Nor is the dress that makes guys joke that the machine broke while making your dress and this happened.
Resembling pea-fowl is the kind of thing you should reserve for Halloween. Honestly.
7. And – last but not least – is the dress that makes you wince because every time she moves, you see her thong.
It’s true: the rule that applies to jeans *also* applies to your ball gown. We just didn’t know it needed to be said.
In other words: Lingerie? It still isn’t clothing.
Next week we’ll bring you ideas on what you SHOULD wear to a military ball. For now, feel free to share your other “don’t” tips.
* It’s amazing how many words they can make by sacrificing the word “extravaganza.” ExtravaGOWNza in September. EGGstravaganza in March. I’m waiting for the next one. Maybe we ought to have a class where we teach them that there are, in fact, other words in the english language besides “extravaganza.” Just a thought?
About Raleigh Duttweiler
Comments
Just buy a dark navy/black dress that is knee length and has straps. That's it. And wear it over, and over and over again.
If you will notice, at most of these formal events, the leadership spouses are wearing floor length gowns. Follow their lead. You can't go wrong.
I will have to agree with Nicole. A knee length gown is not proper ball attire. Floor length is considered formal. The ball is formal. A knee length dress is a cocktail dress. It's not the Marine Corps cocktail hour.
Well the first "formal" we went to was supposed to be formal. Three days before it got changed to "cocktail" attire. I had to go buy a second dress. Black, slightly longer than knee length, halter style. I got compliments from all of the spouses, including those in the floor length gowns and "leadership" souses (who don't lead by the way, they are spouses). I'm wearing it to every stupid event from now until he retires.
Formal is formal if formal. Cocktail is cocktail, formal is formal. If it's a formal affair, where a formal gown, if it's a cocktail party, where a cocktail gown. Your apparel at these events will always reflect upon your spouse, so looking to the spouses of leadership is very good advice.
In my experience the only people judging are the spouses. We're good. It's not prom and I am not dressing like it is. I'm not dressing like a prostitute so let them judge away.
Sorry but if you even look at the picture that starts this column THAT is an officer's wife with the horrible boob job but thinks that low cut dress is "sexy". The majority of of the absolutely DISGUSTINGLY inappropriate dressing were worn by the leadership's spouses. Maybe they should just have a class for every single married man on how to grow a set of balls and tell their wife that they are not going out in public looking like a cheap hooker.
awe ahahahahaha!!! I couldn't stop laughing at this post! Half the time these ladies look like way too expensive hookers when they go to these Navy/Marine balls! Good Lord Stop the madness before it begins PLEASE!!!
Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. The military controls almost all facets of your life. This should not include your girlfriend or spouse. The ladies in the pictures above are gorgeous and while it may be inappropriate for the Sailor or Marine to wear, I don't agree with censoring the freedoms that our troops fight for.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!! A ball is a work event it is not a club! I do not want to know for a fact you are not wearing a bra or underwear because it’s beyond obvious! Show everyone you think enough of yourself not to look like a hooker, I’m begging you!!!!!
What, you DON'T want to look like a hooker?!? WHY NOT!!! (On that note, if I could have Julia Roberts' wardrobe from Pretty Woman I'd be willing to dress like a hooker in that one instance.)
wearing those type of clothes is seeking attention…. trying to be popular like celebrities….. that makes her look like a hooker… be professional….
Thank you thank you thank you for making this post! and to the woman who wrote the article, FINALLY someone says something. I went to my very first ball a couple years ago, I was dressed in this beautiful ball gown, however, a few girlfriends and/or wives were dressed in dresses far too short like they were at a club or something. Given that it was my first ball, I still knew how to dress and those women shoulda taken some lessons cause it was just trashy. Thank you again! :-)
I am so confused. I am a new military wife. This year will be my first ball and I was so excited last week when several of the other wives (who've been to the balls before) included me in a shopping trip to find a gown. They had never included me before; I finally felt like I was one of the clan.
Here's the thing: they all were choosing gowns like the ones you have pictured in this post. I was a little uncomfortable but I just thought maybe I had been raised wrong and my mother didn't really know what a true military wife should wear.
And now I have this dress — oh-dear-this-dress that I was going to feel so uneasy wearing. Gosh I hope I can return it.
Thank you for letting me know that stylish, gorgeous, tasteful clothes like the ones Julia, THE pretty woman, purchased during the movie are the kind of styles I should find for my first military ball. Besides, haven't we all watched Pretty Woman so many times we can recite the whole script without pausing to try to remember what the next line is. It was the modern go-to-the-ball-with-your-prince kind of story.
And now, wish me luck as I try to return the oh-dear-this-dress so I'll actually have some money to get THE DRESS so I can feel like THE PRINCESS with MY PRINCE. I've seen perfect dresses at many stores in all price ranges 'cuz heaven-only-knows I don't have a Rodeo-Drive-budget. I'm so excited now; I no longer feel uneasy about attending the ball; I can't wait. Thanks so much for the great advice; I needed it.
PS Please don't let them serve "those slippery little suckers"; mine would be airborne just like Julia's.
Good luck returning the dress :) Sometimes it's best to go with your guts and I'm glad you don't feel the need to hang it all out there :) enjoy your first ball!
Isn't it fun we get to go to balls? Don't we want to take that nominally and wear a ball gown? How many people get to do this professionally anymore? And I agree with Petra… aways follow your gut! My feeling is this: there's no reason for me to show my skin to anyone other than my husband, doctors, and the three layers of sunscreen I have to slather on at the beach. I can be sexy without being skanky. (I'm planning on wearing a one-shoulder red gown… it's not conservative, but it doesn't show any skin I wouldn't be okay with my husband's coworkers seeing.)
Also: let's just not have snails. I really don't trust the Marriott staff to cook them up to par : )
and most importantly… HAVE A WONDERFUL FIRST BALL!
perhaps you should ask your husband what he thinks of the dress before taking the advice of a random Mil wife online. It doesn't matter what this (or any other wife for that matter) thinks. It's your husband's career and his ball. Just a thought
Uh… men don't know fashion. Sorry. And he wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. Trust your own first instinct. Return the questionable dress. Hopefully you can exchange it. Have a ball!
just a reminder there are marines who let their wives work at the many “gentlemens” clubs in town so woud not care what their spouses wear. Stay classy and if all else fails follow the lead of the leadership spouses!
this is bad advice. Sorry, but it is.
Good luck returning the dress… They should be able to return it as long as there is nothing wrong with it and at least give you store credit. :) I'm not sure where you are located but if your located in Jacksonville, NC i would love to be able to help ya find an appropriate dress…. and yes some marine wives can be very mean and not inclusive at all. All I would say to that is go out and find other girls to be with. You don't need, or want that sort of drama later on… Trust me… lol
You have to wear what makes you feel comfortable. Don't let anyone push you into something that will only ruin your evening because you feel so insecure and out of place. There are beautiful gowns out there for every personality. Go find yours. And have fun!
Good for you! Take that dress back! You want to look elegant and feel like a princess. Trust me, I've been to a few military balls. I want my husband to feel like he is the luckiest man there to have a beautiful, elegant lady on his arm. And he does. If you do the same, you will enjoy and look forward to every ball knowing you will be comfortable, have a great time, and enjoy complements on your beauty and grace!
Ok relax! The thing about the little black dress holds true here… except longer. I found this one as a great example. Get a shawl – transparent a Nice color for the season to match your skin tone. Low heels (ones that are great for dancing, so no pointy heels.) Off you go :-) Ohh watch the makeup. Don't trowel it on! A .http://www.lightinthebox.com/Chiffon-A-line-V-neck-Floor-length-Evening-Dress-inspired-by-Sex-and-the-City–FSD0197-_p54034.html
If you want the answer to your dress issue simply ask your husband what he thinks of the women you went shopping with and what they look like each year…i have a feeling you'll be glad you returned the dress!
You should definitely be able to find something stylish, classy and still be sexy but comfortable that will work for you. Definitely go with floor length as Military Balls are formal unless specifically stated otherwise. There is nothing worse than getting to the Ball and feeling underdressed (cocktail dress) or skanky (showing too much skin and knowing it by the looks you are getting from everyone) or finding out later that the Mil guys voted you "least appropriate date" or "yeah, he paid for her" the next time they all get together. And I'm not making this up, been a Marine wife for 26 years and have seen it all from black thong under sheer orange dress to stripper attire to "OMG, if I sit down my **** shows" to dresses the Amish would be proud of and even black glitter pant sets (really??? Saturday Night Fever???).
I am so glad you read this post! You will be gorgeous, now that you know what to wear!
I felt like Cinderella at my first ball, and every baqll since – and they are SO much better than any prom or homecoming I had ever been to. Enjoy your eveing! It will be so memorable!
Sweetie your husband will be BEYOND grateful if you go with something sexy AND conservative! Cover everything except one chosen body part- for example-your shoulder (like Julia's cocktail dress) CONSERVATIVE! I have seen some very confused young women at these functions-the husbands fellow Marines are not saying nice things about her- is that what you want? I have worn very beautiful dresses and been received very well…especially by command and command spouses. My favorite was even high collared and tea length!
You might discuss the knife and fork technique used in that photo while you're at it!
Do we get to teach the guys, too? : )
You bet! It makes one wonder if any of the young folk today have a clue concerning eating utensils. They look like cave folk stabbing a chicken! Emily Post should be issued to every recruit all services and we can eliminate most rules and substitute with manners and a little etiquette. The sad part is they have no clue they have no clue!
not gonna lie i have seen some of these girls eat like barn yard animals…
Well there is one solution……………………………..to…….
"7. And – last but not least – is the dress that makes you wince because every time she moves, you see her thong."
Lose the thong and go commando!
I would actually entirely agree with this. If you can see the underwear… and you're GOING to wear the dress… save us all the hanky-panky peekaboo. Although women don't go commando, we just go bare : )
:)
Seriously, you should at least wear panties. Nothing like sitting in view of the the upper balcony and catching a glimpse of someone's hooha, cooch, jayjay (whatever you use to describe it these days). If you decide to go without panties please don't stand and overlook the balcony. You may want to show the world your coochie but some of us prefer not to see it.
Hey Boson,
While you are entitled to your opinion just like Raleigh is did you ever stop to consider that there are *gasp* new wives at the ball every year? New people join the military, and people get married every day. Maybe, just maybe, being as that Spouse Buzz is a place that military spouses can come to get answers to the questions we feel to stupid to ask this post was ment to be helpful to the people who just don’t know? Like Saved the Day who bought a dress she isn’t actually comfortable with because it’s what the other wives bought? And how many 18-year old boys do you think really know if their dates dress is inappropriate or not?
Raleigh-thank you for this post I am sure it will help a lot of ladies. I look forward to the what to wear post, hopefully it will give me some ideas because I haven’t been able to find anything I like so far!
I found something great on Rent The Runway… have you ever been over there? I'll talk about it in the What To Wear Post (obviously, my what to wear includes more business-event, lingerie-isn't-clothing options, so it's not everyone's bag), but they're awesome. I HATE buying a dress that fits this year but might not the next (nursing? babies? errr deployment ice cream?) and it's such a fun way around the problem. I can pick out a cute dress, rent it for the week, and then put it back in the mail with great plans to rent something completely different next year!
If you need help with clothing, then i'm sure you'll welcome her advice. However, the women she is constantly talking about are probably perfectly happy with their clothing. I'm an adult, not a child that will be peer pressured into buying things they make me uncomfortable, i don't have a need to fit in or be something i'm not. At 18 i was well aware of what you should and shouldn't wear, you learn that at home. Giving advice on what to wear and criticizing others on what they're comfortable wearing is two different things. I didn't read anywhere in her article where someone asked her opinion on what to wear. She saw something she didn't like from multiple wives and decided to talk about it. It's totally different from me asking you if i look ok? Then you give you advice. Yes, she is entitled to her opinion and as she stated in the article she is criticized for gossiping. I'm not sure how this is helpful to anyone considering the article is about what not to wear, has she given you any examples of what to wear? This is pure bashing other wives and their sense of fashion.
Boson — as mentioned, the What to Wear post is Part 2, and coming next week.
Boson sounds like the type of person who needs this kind of blog but I’d too stubborn to know it. Unfortunately for her there are people who judge and there are guys who will give the Marine a hard time the next day. But that’s cool just leaves more for the rest of us (who know how to make classy look sexy with out pulling something of the rack from the stripper store) to be entertained by the big Fashion Flubbs by people who should know better! And they should know better because of blogs like this! These women who dress to “impress” are also the ones who wear booty shorts and heels to the commissary.
And as a “leadership wife” myself I find it sad that the respect of the ceremony is lost because home girl wanted to show off her body (which lets be honest, more often then not usually doesn’t fit into the dress)
Oh and rent the runway is awesome!!! Def a good way to go!
Oh please…."leadership wife," LOL! That says it all. First off i'm a christian, just like God doesn't make anyone do anything, he gives them a choice that's what i believe in. Next, back bitting, confusion, etc, are works of division, not of God. I don't see the point in judging things that don't affect you. Can you tell me how someone else's dress affects you? Did you go blind? Did someone force you to look all night? Absolutely not. I don't pretend to know anything about you, but you seem to have a healthy imagination so whatever makes you feel better. FYI, people are more likely to take advice from a friend than a random person. Instead of judging maybe you should make friends with some of these ladies and help them, instead sitting in a group gossiping. Booty shorts and heels, hilarious! Don't take yourself too seriously.
Wow you are taking this blog WAY TOO SERIOUSLY! I appreciate this blog very much. It's very helpful and I don't believe she's over the top criticizing. Hey when something bothers me I like to say it. If you ask me this blog is COMMON SENSE. Just like other wives keep saying, the function determines how you dress. You need to realize it's DISRESPECTFUL dressing like a skank or letting your chest and everything else hang out. Just because you may be comfortable wearing something like that to prom, doesn't mean other people feel comfortable and you lose respect. Dressing appropriately means to respect the ball, respect the military, respect society in general and you'll be good to go. You would never dream of wearing that dress to a presidential ball would you? The military ball is of the same sort. May not be quite as formal in some ways but it's definitely not a prom, it's not Vegas, it's not a club, it's not your own house where you're free to wear whatever. You need to be knocked in the head. Why not step into others' shoes for a while. The author was perfectly REASONABLE and once again has COMMON SENSE. Oh and it also doesn't matter whether the example dresses are designer, don't show more skin than you're wearing, don't show your thong, don't let your cleavage hang out. All basic points. So please stop being so defensive. It's really annoying. Treat others the way you'd want to be treated. Remember the Golden Rule? I thought so.
Boson, this article is designed to give advise. If you don't agree, that little 'x' in the corner will make it all go away. It seems from all of your posts that you judge just as much as those that you are complaining about. Not all women had mothers or female role models to help them with attire etiquette. Yes, these dresses are beautiful but NOT appropriate for a military event.
ps … I will be sharing this with our local JrROTC group before their next military ball. Thanks!
Congrats! Just like i can click on the little X, you can skip over my comments. I responded to someone that made a comment about me, you know freedom of speech and so on. Maybe you should jump a few pages over because there are other women that disagreed with the article as well. All my comments tell people not to judge because they're attire doesn't affect you, encouraging people to consider someone else's feelings isn't judgment. The beauty of freedom and the internet is that you don't have to agree, look, or respond, but the choice is yours.
Unfortunately, not everyone is taught what "appropriate" is at home. Or maybe they wore a dress like this and wondered about the looks they got from older spouses. Just because she gives advice doesn't mean anyone has to take it. This is an issue that has come up in my previous unit, because women don't know what is considered formal, semi-formal, and casual. They're husbands, boyfriends, significant others don't always know either. So they turn to other milspouses for advice. But if they aren't close to any milspouses that they feel comfortable talking to, maybe they can find this site, and learn what is and isn't considered appropriate to wear to a ball.
Of course, some women will still ignore this advice, as is their right. It's not like this article was pointing out specific women. So you don't like it? You don't have to read any of this author's articles. As is your right.
I agree with char's first sentence. I had no idea how to dress for formal events, since I had never been to a formal event. The nicest thing I ever went to was a wedding. Other than that, my family wore jeans and t-shirts most of the time. My first formal event was a Marine Corps Ball and it would have been nice to get some advice about what or what not to wear. I was totally underdressed and I felt awkward the whole night. I appreciate the help that we can find on sites like these.
Boson,
Just so you know, you WILL see opinions when you're reading a blog. Don't get so feisty (and confusing)…you're saying Raleigh can have an opinion and rudely disputing what is wrong (in your opinion) with HER opinion. If you don't find the info useful, move on! You said "I'm not sure how this is helpful to anyone…." Well, user "Saved-the-day" appreciated it! You asked "Has she given any examples of what to wear?" Raleigh clearly stated she is going to talk about that next week…you would have had to read to the end.
Wow, why so defensive? I liked the article. And she did say she's going to give examples of What To Wear in the next article. Calm down. Maybe she struck a nerve?
You have it all wrong, not defensive just my opinion…"Maybe she struck a nerve?" LOL! I've never been to a ball only a homecoming so no, but good try. All i'm saying is giving examples of what to wear without posting pictures of someone or even criticizing anyone would be more helpful(i know she said she would do that later, which why i don't see the point of this article). If the goal is truely to be helpful and not hurtful. I don't take this personally, but someone might, it's best to be a peace maker. I think you are reading too much into my opinion. There's a delicate way to deal with corrective criticism, making a joke about it can seem like you're laughing at the person you're trying to help. Coming on too strong(being blunt) can make you seem like mean person. I'm all for making every military spouse feel welcomed. I'm not sure who's picture that is that she cut the head off of, but someone is going to recognize themself being talked about by another spouse. If you feel that it is ok, then that's your opinion.
Thank you, Boson, for the real 'laugh out loud' moment. How can you even give a comment about what is appropriate if you've never been to a ball?? You took the comments about the dresses personally; no one else has. People posting on here are speaking from experience.
I just told people not to judge others because gossiping is harmful. I don't need to go to a ball to know that i wouldn't talk about others. Either you're a gossip or you're not, some people do that everyday and it's sad. You're missing the point. No one has yet to answer how does someone else's dress affect you personally, the answer is it doesn't. If you knew that person with her head chopped off up there or if you were her would you be upset that other spouses are talking about you? Why couldn't they make friends with you and take you under their wing? You can skip a few pages over and see that others disagree but none take it personal. By the way, i'm not telling people what is appropriate because i don't feel that it is my right to tell others what to wear unless they ask me personally. Maybe you should actually read my comments.
if you've never been to a ball you've never seen what goes on or what people wear and never been in the position yourself, so maybe you should find a blog to complain on that actually applies to your world. there is nothing more annoying and pathetic than someone who comments just to comment and trolls the internet looking for an argument. Go away and let this be helpful and informative to the people it applies to.
As i said above, what position do you have to be in to know that you wouldn't gossip about someone? Maybe you should skip a couple pages over and you'll see i'm not trolling, there are other women that disagree with you telling someone what they shouldn't or should wear because it doesn't affect you personally. I've read this same article with the same criticism covering homecomings which i have been to. I can tell you that my mind was only on my husband and not what other wives wore, as it should be. Just as i have a right to comment, you have that same right to skip over it. You're the one picking fights and name calling, really? Why so much emotion for someone you don't even know? Not that serious…..
I know this has been a while ago but I think the most important point is that these functions are in fact "work functions" the spouse in the military has a career to think about. It's not really a matter of how the other women/wives gossip or don't gossip- but if your military spouse is planning a career fair or not the spouse has a role in projecting an image in front of the command. Perception IS reality! There are New Years eve parties, Halloween parties, hell Mardi GRAS and Fantasy Fest available for letting your inner vamp out on display. Respect your husbands efforts and career goals at the official functions.
Stop picking on the write and get your own blog and write your own opinions. Testy much? There are PLENTY of ladies that didn't have parents that taught them how to dress properly, let alone ever have the money to afford a fancy dress. A lot of new wives are feeling lost and alone… and I have to say, it is due to people being so snitty. I have been a Navy wife going on 17 years and when we first got married I could not fine very many good friends because most wives were hurtful not helpful. Thank God for the few goodhearted ones that helped me navigate! We may not have rank like our husbands, but experience makes us leaders. I don't pretend to know it all, but I do know more than I did 17 years ago! And because of that, I will be a friend and help the wives who are struggling.
Off my soap box now.. perhaps you should be off yours too, Boson?
I don't disagree with you, i think you should be helpful. I think as wives we should be very careful because what you consider helpful may be hurtful to others. I think we all should be mindful of how and what we say to others. We all have a right to our opinions, do what works for you.
Thanks ShanonRenee, you are exactly right. This event is not about wearing the most fashionable, its a MILITARY ball, not the "Awards Red Carpet". Raleigh, as with all other posts on this site, isgiving her opinion, and some really good advice. If you want to wear the "most fashionable" go ahead, but at the same time, remember the people here are your spouses peers, supervisiors, the people they will need to go to for what they need for promotions. This ball is not about you, you dont have to wear all black, all the way to the floor, etc. But as ShanonRenee said at the end, if it will help you "ladies", that word makes a distinction as great as the military dress uniform your spouse is wearing. There is a time and place for everything, and everything in its place. The word "Class" comes to mind, and is timeless like pearls or diamonds. Raliegh is saying have a little class. A very good article.
As soon as i saw this article i knew it was the same woman that complains about what people wear to homecomings and so on. I honestly would like to know why you are so stuck on what others wear? They are the ones that have to deal with looks and embarrassment, i don't know why it concerns you. It's silly to me! I don't concern myself with what adults choose to wear. There are no children at this ball so there goes that excuse for being a busy body in others people's affairs. If their husband didn't have a problem with it before they left the house, why do you feel that it's your right or job to criticize. Yes we know for crying out loud that you wouldn't wear it, no one is trying to make you put it on. You do come off as a mother hen, maybe the leader of some wives club that takes themselves too seriously, a gossip clan(like high school girls, childish), unhappy, etc. I mean really, you go to all these memorable events and the best thing you walk away with is what someone's wife had on? Really????
Boson,
I totally appreciate your comment. And I DO see where you're coming from. But I'm not the mother hen, gossiping wife you see me as… I'm just raising the red flag that, sometimes, we forget these things are work events. And of course we do! It's so much fun to get dressed up and go all out, and for many newbies, the last time they did that WAS prom or a college formal. Military balls are a completely different event. We all need to keep in mind that balls in particular are a celebration of tradition and very formal moments to reflect on our military. And as such, we owe them the highest regard. That does mean carefully planning what we wear and making sure that in doing so, we are showing the up most respect to the institutions we're there to honor.
I have no problem with dressing respectfully, i just don't feel that it's my right to tell people what to wear. I don't set the standard for anyone, freedom to wear what you want is a right. I feel that simply stating what you would wear to a ball without the criticism of others who don't share your fashion taste would be better. If someone wants my opinion or advice i would gladly tell them, i wouldn't wear it. I feel that concerning yourself or criticizing others causes more harm than good. Yes, if anyone over heard you, they would think you were a mean spirited person and a childish gossip. Yes, we want to honor our soldiers and military traditions. The biggest dishonor you can do to a soldier who has sacrificed as much as your husband is offend his wife or hurt her feelings. There's no reason for it, over clothing, really? After that ball is over you still have to deal with the damages. I respectfully disagree with you, you can't please everyone, i sure wouldn't try to either. That goes for you and the women you are talking about.
I think that if you're a new MILSpouse, and you are about to go to your first ball you might want some pointers on what not to wear. Or, like a lot of people, you can read the article and not take it to heart. It's not mandatory or rule setting what the author has said. She has the right to her opinion the same as you have the right to disagree with hers. Advice given is not always advice received. Some will take from this what they want, and others will ignore it. That is the beauty of free will.
I also hate to bring this up but there are often times people think the worst of MILSpouses. You know the typical cliche of "So and so's wife is cheating while he's deployed" or "So and so's wife is banging Jody on the side while hubs is at work". Why add to that horrible cliche by dressing like you belong in a strip club rather than a WORK related event?
But in the end people will dress how they want to. Remember though, first impressions last a life time. It does not matter how sweet, generous, kind and loving you are…your appearance is what people will see before they even get to know you. So, I say start it off right. :)
I disagree. There's no harm in reminding people that a military ball is essentially a work event, and so a certain dress code is expected and appropriate. As long as what's under examination is the clothes themselves and not the women, I don't see the issue. If there are those who show up to these functions who don't seem to have grasped the idea of appropriate attire, I don't see how it's offensive to put the reminder out there of what appropriate means.
Hm… Oh wow! You mean the military DOESN'T tell people what to wear and how to look?! Wow, I TOTALLY missed that one!
{Heavy sarcasm}
It's the military. They (and the helpful blogger) ABSOLUTELY have the right to tell the guests what to wear. You may know that the military members ARE told what to wear. If you want to be a guest, you should have to follow appropriate dress as well. I believe the blogger is trying to help the hopeless. You wouldn't wear these dresses to church or a parent conference either. Different occasions call for different dress. A formal military event is not an opportunity for 'freedom of dress'.
There is an idea of social customs that go along with social events. Just as you never wear all white to a wedding, you don't wear club clothing or stuff that would be comfortable in the casinos of Las Vegas to a professionally oriented formal event. The "do whatever you want cause you have the right, this is America" attitude is part of what is killing this country. Norms have a purpose and a value.
I’m with Boston on this one. And also, a few of the dresses that you ragged on were top notch designer dresses. What fashion school did you attend? I would rather see most of the dresses listed above at a ball rather than the drabby mess most of you are suggesting.
Yea, because WE ALL KNOW how trendy fashions are! How many "top designer" clothes have you seen on the street in day to day life?
Top notch designers? Now I have to ask which fashion school you attended? These are not top designs. Perhaps attend Spring Fashion Week NYC 2013. It's Feb 7-14.
If you had any fashion know-how, you would know there is a time and place for many styles, and a military ball is NOT the place for any of the posted gowns.
Um wearing a nice elegant formal dress does NOT equal drabby. Having a tasteful amount of cleavage, a slight **** in a long dress up to just above the knee so your leg pokes out now and then, and lower cut in the back that shows your lines without showing your butt crack is appropriate while still being sexy. I’ve been to fashion shows and the barely there dresses some of those women wear may be by top designers and great for certain functions, they’re not right for a military ball. I didn’t go to fashion school, I’m in the military myself. You’re not walking a runway at a military ball in some contest about who wears the least amount of fabric, you’re at a military function representing your family often around your husbands high level chain of command. You can dress sexy while still classy.
Ok the starred word is sl-vowel here-t. Don’t know why that’s considered a bad word…
And the vowel is I not U
Wow, we know what your going to wear! Someone's taking this funny observation article way to personal.
I hear you….these women have nothing better to do then just sit around and cackle & complain……they are more then likely upset that they can't FIT into or aren't as YOUNG as some of the women that can pull the look off.
I live in a Marine Corps town and these "STAY AT HOME" my Husband is "SO & SO" women kill me….Get a damn life or at least a productive hobby….Gee Whiz
You are being as judgemental as the wives complaining about the dresses.
yet you're on here complaining about other people complaining? Hmmm….
And not all MilSpouses are the way you say they are! Get to know some of us personally and you'll find that the majority of us are very well rounded.
Never forget that you represent your date – he will absolutely hear about it at work. No guy wants other guys talking about what a "slut" his date looked like unless he took her to the ball just to get into her pants.
Oh boy. Look, if you get anything from this article, it should be that there will be plenty of women at these events who will judge you if you choose to wear something that, if you are honest with yourself, you know will make most of the men there look at you sexually rather than for appearing elegant, and odds are that some of these women will be wives of your husband's bosses. I'm 26, and i like to look hot for my husband, but it's not fair to him to make him look like he can't control his hormonally raging wife in front of his co workers.
Our last ball two girls got told to leave because of what they were wearing. The general called them a cab. they looked like two dollar hookers and the one literally had a see through white gauze dress. Do not think you are above being told to leave and it will be very embarrassing because you will leave alone, your date isn't taking you home. i am hoping to see less skanky dress this year as a result!
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & instead of taking time to talk about how thankful she is for all the men & women serving in our military…& to all the wives who support the military…she’s ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a bad *** dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & instead of taking time to talk about how thankful she is for all the men & women serving in our military…& to all the wives who support the military…she’s ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a bad *** dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a bad *** dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
I have to disagree one on point, a lot of balls DO have children in attendance. Some units may make it against the rules, but at the last four balls I went to I saw many children there dressed to the nines to celebrate with mommy or daddy. They leave after the dinner and ceremony usually, but I have been to many balls where children are present. So if that matters at all (which I assume it might since you felt the need to mention it in the first place) there you go.
Also one of the most popular entries on my blog are the Dos and Don'ts of a Marine Corps Ball. Not everyone is a seasoned spouse. Some have questions and don't know what to expect and need the help. If you don't then just ignore it.
WOW! You comment on your own stories……
Boson — Of course she comments on her own stories. All of our SpouseBuzz bloggers are encouraged to interact with our readers as part of the social media experience. If you expect to be able to say something without having the author read it or respond you're in the wrong place!
HAHAHA! Not at all, she can respond if she wants. There were ten comments and four of them were hers, that's all i was saying. Most writers don't respond in the comment sections of their own articles….
do you read here much? yeah they do.
I didn't say most writers here, i said most writers period. Yes, i've commented here before and no the writer never commented or responded to any of the post.
Well everyone is different, but we do encourage people to comment. Sometimes when there are a lot of comments — into the hundreds — it becomes really difficult to keep up.
So glad that we have authors that comment on their stories. This blog is a place for us as military spouses to have a good and active dialogue about the crazy stuff military life can throw out at us, both big and small.
Raleigh you always make me laugh. Then again, if I had the bod for the dress that looks like a spider web you know I would be figuring out a way to wear it.
I appreciate any attempt to help us know what to do at a military ball. A few weeks after we started dating my man transferred to a new unit & found out the ball was that night. They put big pressure on him to show up and get to know people. So he called me with 4 hours notice to pull something together. (Panicked scream heard around the world). Since I was visiting him, I had no closet to fall back on and ran to the mall in a panic needing everything from jewelry, undergarments, dress, shoes. It was stressful too having to spend so much money for things I had plenty of at home. I bought a simple short black dress thinking, that would get my by. When we got to the ball all the other women were in brightly colored, floor length full ball gowns. It was super stressful and I was totally a mess by that point. I just wished someone has told me floor length because I would've run to a rental shop instead and looked for the right kind of dress. It's great to have some help & guidance from spouses! I don't want anyone to go through what I went through!
I think if you found a black dress, shoes and all the accessories, took a shower, did your hair and make-up and go to the ball in four hours…WITHOUT a FAIRY GODMOTHER…YOU should be commended!
I am Active Duty Navy and as such have to wear my dress uniform to my own ball. However, I attend the other service balls wearing the appropriate "Service Color" Red or Black for Marine Corps, Blue for Air Force and Green for Army (I usually go for a nice olive green since it really looks good with my eyes). I work for an Admiral and as such I know most of the other Admirals AND Generals…so I wear something that doesn't say….WOW, WHO KNEW YOU HAD THAT GOIN ON UNDER THE UNIFORM!. It seems to work for me. The most important thing to remember is this…wear what makes you feel beautiful and what makes your service member date PROUD to be your escort. It is HIS ball, not yours.
Wait. Isn't half of the entertainment at a ball oggling over what some of the (ahhem) "ladies" have on, or who has had one too many drinks, or whose boob has made its way nearly out of her dress, or whose husband is sitting a bit too close, or . . . or . . . all of the above?
That was my impression ;-). But maybe we do things differently over in the Army!
Ugh yet another slut shaming article about what to wear to a ball. Seriously who cares what other chicks wear? You don’t see men coaching other men about what to wear. Why because men could give a crap. We actually extend to them the courtesy of thinking they know how to get dressed. But of course we as women need some asinine how-to complete with pictures about how to dress to the authors standards. Thanks for talking down to us.
They wear uniforms to these events. Why? Because the military knows better than to trust them to choose their own attire for the evening. I am a MILspouse- and I honestly and truly believe that sometimes the military should ALSO be able to dictate how spouses dress, what they can say, what they can post on Facebook…a military FAMILY is a package deal, and we are seen as such in public. Don't dress like a whore. Don't get so drunk that you a) Start a ridiculous crazy pants fight in the middle of an audience of your spouse's peers and bosses and 2) Get so handsy and cheap that your super skimpy whoe-ish dress is covering even less than it was when you walked in. Everyone loves to quote their 'rights'. Our spouses are the ones who DEFEND those rights. So, be aware of that fact and treat those 'rights' with the utmost respect- looking like a hooker is not respecting your rights- it is embarrassing those rights, your professional spouse and yourself.
There’s no lecture for the civilian men because frankly while women may not trust the men how to dress but how often are you really going to get a guy not able to pick out a simple suit? Plus the military service women that will be taking those men will have gotten the whole how to dress lecture from their chain of command so if the guy wanted to come in say jeans and a ratty shirt how much you want to bet the female service member will put her foot down and instead select an appropriate suit?
Actually, at the submarine ball, which is the ball we attend, yes, all the servicemembers in attendance, unless they are dual military, are male.
And let me tell you, the author should have added that if you wear a size 12, buy a size 12 dress. Nobody wants to see you squeezed into a size 5. That just has "bad idea" written all over it, and the poor girl who tried it two years ago split her darn dress up in the back.
Wait a mintue, so you mean to tell me that you want to be dictated to because a couple of spouses got out of hand or wore something you didn't agree with? BULL! In any organization you will have good and bad individuals, you can't punish them all for the mistakes of a few. Does the entire military receive punishment for a soldier that decided to commit a crime? No. You're right my spouse defends my rights so we can enjoy them the way we choose!!!! Not someone's opinion of how i should be exercising my rights. The term freedom, choices, rights are what makes us great as a country. I wouldn't want anyone to force their will on me or vice versa.
Well Renee a lot of the men are either wearing our uniforms or it’s easy enough to find a regular suit or tux if you’re a civilian. You’re not likely to see any male wearing something ridiculous to a ball because of that like you see on some females that attend these events. So we don’t really have to go out of our way to coach each other in what to wear outside of bow tie or regular tie if going in civilian clothes. But while men don’t really bother worrying about what each other are wearing, you can bet they’ll be talking about what the women are wearing. I don’t know about “**** shaming” as you say but really should a female be wearing something that could be considered ****** to a formal ball?!
I’m not saying a female should have to hide her individuality but wearing something that doesn’t leave much to the imagination is just bound to bring negative attention and not just from other women. I’ve heard higher ups lecture Soldiers the next work day after a ball about things their wives or girlfriends said, did, and even what they wore and asked why the **** they didn’t warn their significant other ahead of time that while yes people are drinking and more laid back, it’s still a formal event with tradition and a certain way of behaving is to be expected. It’s still a military sponsored event. It’s not just the higher ups either. Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, and Sailors all talk to each other about it too. You’ll have the female military personnel will just have one more reason to talk about the “wives” and how they just don’t get military life and how the way they looked or acted just made their husbands/boyfriends look bad. Then of course you’ll get the guys giving each other a hard time. Would you rather be the wife who the guys told their buddy that she was beautiful, classy, sweet, funny, etc? Or do you want to be the wife where the guys rib their buddy by saying something like “oh man, that chick is going to cheat on you the moment we deploy, did you see what she was wearing? She wanted every guys attention with you in the room, how do you think it’s going to be when you’re gone the whole year?” Is that fair? Most likely not. Is it nice of guys to talk like that about another guys wife especially to his face? Nope but you can bet it happens especially after these balls. If you think otherwise then sorry but then you clearly haven’t spent much time surrounded by all guys or if you have they censored themselves with you there. If you think your husband is an exception to that then you’d be in a rude awakening if you ever overheard him when he was surrounded by his buddies unaware of you there. Even the nicest guy submits at some point to that talk when with his buddies especially in a military environment. Now if hes the subject of that talk, he will no doubt defend you but usually that just opens him up for more ribbing to be honest. So why not wear something classy for the night instead of creating a negative image for yourself to your husband’s bosses and fellow service members? Is it really that important to you to dress inappropriately for the event in question that you’ll risk not only the image you project to others but also cause you’re husband/boyfriend grief from his friends and coworkers.
Well Renee a lot of the men are either wearing our uniforms or it’s easy enough to find a regular suit or tux if you’re a civilian. You’re not likely to see any male wearing something ridiculous to a ball because of that like you see on some females that attend these events. So we don’t really have to go out of our way to coach each other in what to wear outside of bow tie or regular tie if going in civilian clothes. But while men don’t really bother worrying about what each other are wearing, you can bet they’ll be talking about what the women are wearing. I don’t know about “**** shaming” as you say but really should a female be wearing something that could be considered ****** to a formal ball?!
Well Renee a lot of the men are either wearing our uniforms or it’s easy enough to find a regular suit or tux if you’re a civilian. You’re not likely to see any male wearing something ridiculous to a ball because of that like you see on some females that attend these events. So we don’t really have to go out of our way to coach each other in what to wear outside of bow tie or regular tie if going in civilian clothes. But while men don’t really bother worrying about what each other are wearing, you can bet they’ll be talking about what the women are wearing. I don’t know about “**** shaming” as you say but really should a female be wearing something that could be considered ****** to a formal ball?!
I’m not saying a female should have to hide her individuality but wearing something that doesn’t leave much to the imagination is just bound to bring negative attention and not just from other women. I’ve heard higher ups lecture Soldiers the next work day after a ball about things their wives or girlfriends said, did, and even what they wore and asked why the **** they didn’t warn their significant other ahead of time that while yes people are drinking and more laid back, it’s still a formal event with tradition and a certain way of behaving is to be expected. It’s still a military sponsored event. It’s not just the higher ups either. Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, and Sailors all talk to each other about it too. You’ll have the female military personnel will just have one more reason to talk about the “wives” and how they just don’t get military life and how the way they looked or acted just made their husbands/boyfriends look bad.
Then of course you’ll get the guys giving each other a hard time. Would you rather be the wife who the guys told their buddy that she was beautiful, classy, sweet, funny, etc? Or do you want to be the wife where the guys rib their buddy by saying something like “oh man, that chick is going to cheat on you the moment we deploy, did you see what she was wearing? She wanted every guys attention with you in the room, how do you think it’s going to be when you’re gone the whole year?” Is that fair? Most likely not. Is it nice of guys to talk like that about another guys wife especially to his face? Nope but you can bet it happens especially after these balls. If you think otherwise then sorry but then you clearly haven’t spent much time surrounded by all guys or if you have they censored themselves with you there. If you think your husband is an exception to that then you’d be in a rude awakening if you ever overheard him when he was surrounded by his buddies unaware of you there. Even the nicest guy submits at some point to that talk when with his buddies especially in a military environment. Now if hes the subject of that talk, he will no doubt defend you but usually that just opens him up for more ribbing to be honest. So why not wear something classy for the night instead of creating a negative image for yourself to your husband’s bosses and fellow service members? Is it really that important to you to dress inappropriately for the event in question that you’ll risk not only the image you project to others but also cause you’re husband/boyfriend grief from his friends and coworkers.
Well Renee a lot of the men are either wearing our uniforms or it’s easy enough to find a regular suit or tux if you’re a civilian. You’re not likely to see any male wearing something ridiculous to a ball because of that like you see on some females that attend these events. So we don’t really have to go out of our way to coach each other in what to wear outside of bow tie or regular tie if going in civilian clothes. But while men don’t really bother worrying about what each other are wearing, you can bet they’ll be talking about what the women are wearing. I don’t know about “**** shaming” as you say but really should a female be wearing something that could be considered ****** to a formal ball?!
I’m not saying a female should have to hide her individuality but wearing something that doesn’t leave much to the imagination is just bound to bring negative attention and not just from other women. I’ve heard higher ups lecture Soldiers the next work day after a ball about things their wives or girlfriends said, did, and even what they wore and asked why the **** they didn’t warn their significant other ahead of time that while yes people are drinking and more laid back, it’s still a formal event with tradition and a certain way of behaving is to be expected. It’s still a military sponsored event. It’s not just the higher ups either. Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, and Sailors all talk to each other about it too. You’ll have the female military personnel will just have one more reason to talk about the “wives” and how they just don’t get military life and how the way they looked or acted just made their husbands/boyfriends look bad.
Then of course you’ll get the guys giving each other a hard time. Would you rather be the wife who the guys told their buddy that she was beautiful, classy, sweet, funny, etc? Or do you want to be the wife where the guys rib their buddy by saying something like “oh man, that chick is going to cheat on you the moment we deploy, did you see what she was wearing? She wanted every guys attention with you in the room, how do you think it’s going to be when you’re gone the whole year?” Is that fair? Most likely not. Is it nice of guys to talk like that about another guys wife especially to his face? Nope but you can bet it happens especially after these balls. If you think otherwise then sorry but then you clearly haven’t spent much time surrounded by all guys or if you have they censored themselves with you there. If you think your husband is an exception to that then you’d be in a rude awakening if you ever overheard him when he was surrounded by his buddies unaware of you there. Even the nicest guy submits at some point to that talk when with his buddies especially in a military environment. Now if hes the subject of that talk, he will no doubt defend you but usually that just opens him up for more ribbing to be honest. So why not wear something classy for the night instead of creating a negative image for yourself to your husband’s bosses and fellow service members? Is it really that important to you to dress inappropriately for the event in question that you’ll risk not only the image you project to others but also cause you’re husband/boyfriend grief from his friends and coworkers.
I agree Mike! You always need to represent your husband, it’s never ok to dress like trash. You have to be as professional as he is, he’s wearing a suit, you wear a beautiful flowing gown
So…professional attire for the womenfolk is a beautiful, flowing gown? I didn't realize that was the standard industry attire for my spouse "profession."
I don't think the message in this post is wrong, as there are standards of appropriate attire for everyone (regardless of gender, mind you), but I do question the language springing up around it. S l u t-shaming is the act of declaring a woman a slut because of her dress, her actions, or her attitude and shaming her for it. So looking at a dress that shows a lot of skin and declaring the wearer a s l u t is inappropriate and a double standard. A mil-husband who shows up wearing only a bowtie and slacks will not be called a slut or a man-whore or whatever equally sexually demeaning term you like. He'll be called inappropriate and perhaps a bit off his rocker.
Where the original blog post skirts just over the slut-shaming line is by equating these dresses with lingerie when swimwear, People of Walmart wear, or LeeLoo's Thing of Straps would suffice. Merely calling out this attire as inappropriate is enough.
Snarkynavywife, I don’t think anyone thinks it is fair to immediately label women wearing this kind of attire as ****** but unfortunately that’s the idea most people come away with when seeing females squeezed into these kind of skin showing dresses. It’s certainly not fair to judge that woman like that without knowing her but unfortunately this is how society is and based on my own many experiences seeing and hearing this kind of talk after a ball, this is how she will wind up being perceived and talked about by many of her man’s fellow service members despite how nice she might actually be. People unfortunately judge each other and frankly you can probably blame the wives who have in the past thrown themselves at their husband’s military buddies as soon as he wasn’t around because a lot of guys then end up assuming that a woman dressed showing a lot cleavage and legs and such at these events is that same kind of female. Again unfair but due to it happening in the past, that’s where we get assumptions and people judging others due to perceived first impressions.
No, it's not fair, but why do we have to perpetuate it? Shift our language and our approach to the subject, and we slowly build a wave of change.
And why should we make sweeping generalizations about any woman who shows cleavage based on the bad behavior of a few women? I really don't see how having a low neckline can possibly translate to "will throw herself at all his buddies." Maybe it's just cognitive dissonance doing a number on me right now, but I don't understand how cleavage=~slut=~adulterer. Adulterer=~adulterer makes plenty of sense. Why are dudes (and I'm going to generalize here since your statement is one that encompasses our entire society) so quick to make an assumption about a woman's propensity toward unethical behavior based on how much boobage she's showing? How is this okay? I don't see a dude who's walking around shirtless with moobs and assume he's got a foot fetish and will steal all my shoes and do imaginative and squicky things with them. I just assume he has questionable judgment regarding how much people want to ogle his moobs.
So when we see a woman show up to a formal military event wearing some LeeLoo strap action, why don't we assume she didn't get the memo about formal attire, or else she considers this conservative dress? Question her judgment, not her morals.
Again, there's a double standard at work here. It's not fair, and it's not okay to sit back and say, "Boys will be boys, and nothing's going to change, so shut up and be okay with second class citizenship." RAWR! Clearly a button of mine here.
Anyway! To keep this productive, I suggest we stop looking at how much flesh you can see on a chick and equating that with some terrible personality flaw. Be aware of that judgment and decide to repattern your thinking. There are better ways of judging a woman's behavior…and that's by judging her behavior rather than how she adorns her body.
Chip on your shoulder much?
The reality is and has been forever that WOMEN ARE JUDGED by how they dress to a much larger extent than men. Otherwise, women would not bother with push-up bras, SPANX, high heels, hair color, make-up and all of the rest? We would just wear slacks and shirts (some kind of "uniform" like men do). And sadly, yes, women do judge each other. It's reality. I don't recall anyone in the writer calling any one a slut or a skank. And yes, it's a double standard. What else is new?
So it's okay that we're judged by our appearances? It's okay that someone's going to look at the fact that you're wearing a push-up bra and declare you a slut? It's fine by you that someone saw you with a hemline an inch higher than s/he deemed reasonable and has declare you're the type of woman who's going to chase after other men when your husband's back is turned? I hope those questions don't come across as uncivil. I'm honestly just stunned. I can't imagine being resigned to this and unwilling–or worse, apathetic–to make any attempt to change the attitudes of people in my social sphere.
The reality you're describing is very ethnocentric, applicable to our culture and certainly not traceable to "forever." It's also a generalization that's largely untrue. Men do have more limited clothing options thanks to gender expectations, but that doesn't stop some of my dude friends from owning literally ten times the shoes I do. It doesn't stop them from finding shirts and jeans cut make themselves look however they want to look. I know you meant this in more generic terms, but consider that our culture, which is always changing (yay melting pot!), is malleable. We don't have to sit down and shut up when double standards leave us with the fecal end of the stick. So why are we? Why are we so unwilling to look at our attitudes and the powerful words and images we use to communicate these attitudes (many of them subconsciously rendered) and try to make this world better? Why are we more content to be treated as second-class citizens when a little introspection and shift in attitude and presentation can change so much?
Please reread my original comment. I didn't say the author called anyone a slut or a skank. I said that comparing the gowns in the photos to lingerie skates the edge of slut-shaming rhetoric when there are other comparisons that are just as or even more effective and that don't cast women who choose to wear these clothes in sexual terms and then set them up to be ashamed of their choices…and then accused by virtue of their clothing choices of being immoral and unethical douchecanoes who are out to steal all the men.
Agreed! Just because it happens, doesn't make it right! Change starts with how you think, you can't change others but you can inspire others to be better by your actions.
@ Snarky, thank you, thank you. I was starting to feel I entered the Twilight Zone filled with drones. You made this worth my time of reading comments I found of people, namely women, that seem to have no other purpose in life, but to "follow". As a woman, not just a "military wife", I have not just book smarts, but common sense. As a LT Commander in the Navy, I respect my husband's career. He respects my career as an attorney. If someone has the common sense to find this blog, they should have common sense to research what is considered formal attire and decide to do what I hope they have been doing since being a young lady. Dress themselves.
Sorry didn’t mean to post that comment so many times, it kept telling me it wasn’t publishing which apparently was false…Maybe the blog person can take my extras off and just keep the one…
Maybe because the men and women who are enlisted ARE told what to wear?! You know, Dress Blue Alphas and all that?! You people really should think before you respond… It's the military!
Dude for real! People do care about what they wear and funny enough a lot of the men at the balls tend to wear a uniform. Go figure. I suppose if they wanted to the men folk could introduce hot pants and do dubstep.Relax.
If your spouse is anything like my spouse, he asks his buddies how far apart his medals or ribbons should be from the middle. He also asks if he looks fatter because he got his dress blues when he was XXX pounds and now he’s XXX pounds. So they still ask others’ opinions and they do care what they look like.
Also, I wore a dress like the ruffle one above (#6) but it was full length. I told him I’d be wearing a green ruffle dress with lots of crystals on the top. He didn’t like ruffles. It was my first ball and I only knew him four months. I got compliments ALL NIGHT from women. And one co-worker asked him months after the ball, “are you still with that HOT Asian?” It’s okay to be different and want a dress to be memorable. Just remember it’s his night, you are there for him. Wear a dress that people will remember you in, in a positive light, so that positive light will extend to your partner as well.
note in her comment about the ruffle dress it was about it being only half a skirt not anything to do with the bling or ruffles themselves….if it had a full bottom it would be very pretty:)
Whether or not we like it Ladies what we wear, what we say and what we do, DOES reflect on our spouses. So, when going to a Military Ball it is in HIS best interest to look like a decent, respectful wife. If you want to look like a hooker or act like one wait until you get home. I am positive he will appreciate it more at that time than he would in front of his colleagues. These Balls are not FOR US; the spouses. The COs and Brigade Commanders are looking at our soldiers to see if they can handle themselves and their spouses (yes, they are expected to handle us) with respect. If his wife comes to the Ball looking like a hooker I can guarantee his CO just said to himself (obviously he can't handle his wife so how can he handle his men properly). As his wife you are expected to make decisions based on appropriate behavior and how you present yourself. Go ahead and present yourself as a hooker and see how you are treated by the "guys" as well as their wives. You are quite correct, that IS your Right, However, when you have been warned and offered advice on what you shouldn't wear, no whining allowed when you are treated like you presented yourself.
Who cares?? How about you should, out of respect, this isn't your night, this is for your spouse. If you want to dress up like that for you, so be it, go do it in Vegas or another event, this night is not about you. It's a formal event with a lot of pride and tradition attached. Have some class.
Men do not have a myriad of options on what to wear like women do. Men are not exposing key parts of their bodies in skin tight, barely there shirts, dresses or skirts. We as women have more options to bare it all than men do. That being said, men do care about appearance.
I know that my husband takes great care of his appearance because it has been drilled into him since BT. You can also look at units such as the Silent Platoon, The Old Guard, and others that those men DO care about what they look like. I think the old adage of men not caring about what other men look like has died. They may not express it as much, but men do compete with other men in terms of how they dress, and they do notice if this or that guy isn’t wearing something that’s ‘flattering’.
We as women DO size up the competition when it comes to looks. We judge based on appearance before we even get to know the person. This has been tested time and time again. Looks are not the most important thing, but they do matter.
Like I said in another comment, this is just the opinion of the author. Take from it what you will. Neither you, nor anyone else can really condemn the author for voicing her opinion the same way you are voicing yours. Remember, these are not set rules of what to wear; just the authors OPINION on what NOT to wear.
Judgment is not just something we're taught. It is also a primal tool our minds used to select potential mates, friendships, determine if someone is 'healthy' or not and etc… We all do it day to day in every situation. You have to look at the situation and see if your attire is fit for it. I’m not sure about you, but as an example I wouldn’t want a teacher teaching my son in clothing that was extremely provocative or what something a stripper would wear no matter how good her character is.
Also, you cannot judge a person’s character by what they look like. Your first impression IS of what they look like. Tell me, do you have some super human powers to determine if someone is kind, loving, determined etc… by the way they look? Neither do I.
I am not disvaluing someone’s inner beauty. But the simple fact remains that judgments, first impressions …whatever are based on looks when you meet someone. You can accept that reality, or you can get angry like you are and ignore it.
Yes, there are campaigns that promote self-esteem, and confidence. That is fantastic to build up your self image, and promote a healthy outlook on life. That being said, just because you feel a certain way about yourself, and your appearance does not mean other people will think, feel and do as you do. As I stated in another post here that’s the beauty of free will and free thinking. As much as I would love things like judgment based on personality rather than looks it is not going to happen. It is hardwired into our systems. Unless we evolve to a point where primal urges and the primal brain no longer play a part in our lives it won’t change how we see things.
I think you misunderstand my point about attire and the example given, and the super powers. Without EVER talking to the teacher or someone else for that matter, you have absolutely no way to know what their personality is. As with the example I’ve given, every situation requires a set of rules. A professional work environment requires professional attire; you dress the part for your position. It has nothing to do with personality, but what is required of the person who works at that specific location. The same can be said about a work related gatherings. Sure, it may not be their work, but it is their spouses work. It is a MILITARY BALL, not the prom.
I grew up incredibly poor as well, and was bullied up until high school. I understand the reality of the world we live in, and know that regardless of MY views someone else will think differently; like you for example. As I stated in another post some will take the advice given, or not. It is entirely up to them. Again, as I stated, the author is not saying these are a set of rules to abide by, and it is HER opinion just like I have my own, and you have yours. If a spouse is re-using their prom dress all the more power to them. I like a good bargain myself. That being said, again, you cannot control what other people think and feel. I cannot stop someone else from judging. I am not in control of what other people think or feel, neither is anyone else.
Judgments can change. Even if I feel uncomfortable around someone who does not dress the part it does not stop me from talking to them, and getting to know them.
We can agree to disagree because I will not change my stance. You have your own opinion on the matter as I have mine.
Best comment i've read thus far!
Since when don't women get judged? What world do you live in? DisneyLand? DreamLand? Come on.
I certainly appreciate the advice and I am sincerely looking forward to the "What TO wear" version. I remember my first ball. It was with my boyfriend (it was his first ball too) and he basically told me that the command told us girls to dress like a nun! He insisted that I wear black, no rhinstones, it be at least to the knee (with solid black tights) and conservative makeup. So, I wore a black, fitted but conservative as far as clevage goes. I did get my hair/makeup done–wish I hadn't as it was waaayy over the top for the event. Anyways, all but a few of the other girlfriends were wearing an inch of make-up, rainbow colored dresses that glowed from all the sparkles. I'm not hating on their styles or what they felt comfortable in, I just think that what they wore wasn't appropriate for the event. As much as I wanted to wear a dress that was more "me", it wouldn't be appropriate at an event that is all about respect and being conservative. I'm glad I followed my fiance's advice, but next time I'll wear a slightly more exciting dress, but less makeup and hair. Thanks for the advice, and I hope mine helps!!
Another great article! I understand why would would get prickly about being "told what to wear"–ultimately, that's there choice. But I will say as a leadership spouse, to steal a term that I heard on the comments, (actually just came from a ball giveaway, literally) it is important to put this information out there. Many new spouses do not understand the dress code, and if your spouse doesn't explain it to you….then what do you do? I remember a Christmas party unit event I attended as a girlfriend. My husband told me it was black and white themed, formal. Since I am not a dress-wearer, I spent all day trying to find a dress and ended up with an awesome black dress, still kind of informal and fun, but formal enough I knew I would be OK. Then….got there. Apparently the theme had been canceled and nobody told us. Everyone was in either cami's or jeans. I was SO OVERDRESSED. I did not know the unit well at all at that point, and was extremely self-concious about it–ultimately I went in, rocked it, took some pics, and made fun of my husband for not telling me. But man oh man….if that had been a BALL and I arrived in something super informal or clubby that first year….would have been terrible. So yes, the new spouses need some guidance and I am glad that people are here to give it to them! If you do not have experience being a military spouse or being around a base or installation, you might need that advice. If you know already…then move on! Thank you!
Always better to be overdressed than underdressed! :)
Its always better to be overdressed than under dressed.
I’ve been married to on officer for 2 1/2 years now & due to events beyond our control never able to attend the ball. This fact always makes me sad as I watch “Ball Fever” kick into gear & know this isn’t going to be my year. But I have helped new spouses or GF shop. When I have I always keep in mind what are the other officer’s spouses wearing or have worn. Even more so what have the female officers worn when there spouse is in uniform. The one word that always comes to mind is “Classy”. These events are a good place to network & be visible to the COC. You are a direct reflection on your service person. Trust me I’ve made some whopper of mistakes when we were dating about what I could say & wear lol. I’ve hear of ppl not being allowed to enter the ball because their choice in dress was way too out there. So I guess keep it in mind that you can be uninvited at the door should the powers that be decide it so.
How is the fact that your husband is an office relevant to anything? I'm just curious
Can we not start a officer spouse vs. enlisted spouse debate. It is so overplayed. Just let it go, we all know that spouse's rank has nothing to do with this piece about what not to wear. What I see is a fairly new wife who has looked to fellow officer wives to help her navigate the officer community. Her advice is shaped by what she has learned from those women. Her frame of reference is what she has experienced within the officer community and nowhere in her post did she compare officer and enlisted or diminish anyone.
It wasn't about a debate.
My husband is also an officer however, I don't see how it's relevant. I've got a masters from an Ivy league school and make more than than the majority of Officers withing my preview as well as my own career and identity. I was simply curious as to why she felt the need to throw out her husband's rank while women like myself would be loathe to bring it up.
I’m sry that wasn’t my intent. I don’t think at all that hubby’s rank as mine. I was only trying to use it as a guide to help as to what not to wear. That’s all. I’m sry if I offended.
You are loathe to bring it up,,YET, that is exactly what you did. Are you the pot or the kettle? FYI.. she did not mention his rank :ie Capt, LT, Gen.. or whatever. Even if she did.. who cares.. that would just tell me that she had been a military spouse for a number of years & probably has some insight on things connected to the military, that a new spouse or SO would not. While you may not have mentioned a specific rank.. you managed to pat yourself on the back quite a bit with your so called accomplishments, while at the same time, appearing to be putting down officers. Not everyone is wrapped up in themselves as you seem to be. I would take some one with common sense over alleged book smarts any day.
Well said, Kali!
She didn't say anything about his rank requiring a hostile reaction. Maybe she just said it as a frame of reference before she started her other comments…? Lighten up.
Thank you. I really wasn’t trying to throw anything like rank around. So thanx for seeing that the both of you.
Get over it, we don’t wear our husbands rank but there is a difference and if you don’t think so just go to the commissary. We are to look to the higher up wives for advice and as good examples, if you don’t believe it then why do they send wives to see the commandants wife speak? Because everyone can learn from someone else’s experience.
I agree some gowns lack taste, but worry about what you are wearing, not what others are wearing. Honestly a lot of women can look good in those gowns, and if you can pull it off go for it!! Waer what you feel beautiful in and what makes you feel fabulous. And I would say the same goes for all the women who show up in black boring bridesmaid dresses, they are ugly and boring! And I rather see something interesting than another woman in an old boring unflattering dress.
Policing people who don't meet your standards of flattering clothing or who wear "black boring bridesmaid dresses" is silly. I'll refer you to your own statement: "worry about what you are wearing, not what others are wearing."
A military ball is NOT the place to put all of your goods on display regardless of if you can "pull it off" or not. Simple, classic, elegant. It's not brain surgery.
I agree, and further more you are dressing up for ur spouse. the problem is that these woman dont have the bodies to wear these dresses. you cant control your husband from looking so you want to control what other woman wear. If your spouse does not mind and he like to see u in a certain type of dress. go for it, its not everyday we get to remind our spouse how sexy we can be, between kids, work and deployments. I say dress it up ! and have fun doing it
The following was included in the information put out for the upcoming Birthday Ball: 1.Formal Dress is required:
-The uniform for male and female Marines is: Dress Blue Alphas. Refer to: MCO 10120.34 F.
•Marines may wear the Evening Dress if they have them.
•Covers and gloves are not required on the hotel grounds only.
-Civilian women should wear a Formal Evening Gown.
•A formal Evening gown is conservative in nature and should not be confused with a cocktail dress.
-Civilian men should wear a dark colored Tuxedo.
If there is a specified dress code, I consider it disrespectful not to adhere to it. The dress code is not a suggestion, it is a requirement if you want to participate in the event. Respect the tradition and those who are honored during a birthday celebration.
number 4 and 7 are "formal evening gowns" and "conservative in nature" is a subjective term based on the originator's own paradigm
As a former military spouse, I just like to add that what you wear or do reflects on your spouse and can ultimately influence his next promotion board. " So he's an able officer but can we send him to here or there with "that" wife?" Think that is unfair? Maybe, but ultimately you are representing the military just as he is.
I completely agree that a number of spouses need to be guided as to what is appropriate to wear. It's a WORK event. Therefore, there are expectations regarding attire. It is not a matter of spouses looking down their noses at others and judging them for sport. It is about wearing clothing that will not embarrass ourselves and our Marine… clothing that is appropriate for a formal military ball that is, again, a WORK event. It is not a prom. The Birthday Ball is a ceremony full of honor and of remembrance for all who have served as Marines and for those who have been lost. We all will attend an event at one time or another in our lives where we will need to wear attire fitting for the occasion. For instance, it is in poor taste to wear white to a wedding. And you would not wear an ultra mini skirt and low-cut top to a funeral or church service. There are times and places for everything. Unfortunately, some people are either not aware of this or simply do not care. Sadly, it is those people who will be talked about and it is their Marine who may get pulled aside by a senior Marine and told what their spouse wore was inappropriate. Those who think it won't happen are fooling themselves.
As a woman I am offended by these dresses. What happened to modesty and dignity? I don't want to see anyone's "business" hanging out all over the place, man or woman alike. Think classy not trashy.
Yes, I'm offended too, but I've seen much more revealing dresses than these at many military functions. Eye-poppers! haha
Did you honestly thing every dress you she featured was inappropriate? I'm just curious…
If you don't like the advice, don't take it, but some spouses need it, are glad to have it. Some ladies (especially younger ladies) show up dressed in either club wear (with bits falling out the top and bottom) or prom dresses (generally not age-appropriate or occasion appropriate).
The main thing to keep in mind is that these events are work-related. Your spouse's boss will be there, and his boss, his co-workers. Everyone your spouse knows will see all of your business. Think simple, understated, elegant. If you are not sure or feel uncomfortable, save it for a night out with friends or with your spouse. Too much to drink and doing the grind on the dance floor would not be appropriate or acceptable —because this is a work-related event. And yes, people do notice.
Well put. Been to many balls, seen alot of gowns, and also seen young ladies who probably wish they had been mentored on what to wear and not to wear. we all look back at those pictures and say hummmm what if?
I was shocked and kind of disgusted at the first formal event I went to with my hubby! There were wives dressed like *******, wives with ***** popping out, and wives looking like their dresses had been ripped off! I was completely overdressed next to them (I was secretly glad, since I didn’t want to look like any of them)!
Personally, I ‘m glad my hubby warned me that I might see “prostitutes on parade!”
WELL SAID!!!!!
I think at these types of events one can determine right away the level of intellect of a spouse – which is directly proportionate with her choice in the dress code.
WRONG… I have 2 degrees.one from an Ivy League school…. and make more money than my LtCol husband… I dress sexy cause I love it and he loves it and I work dang hard to stay fit… but you can definitely determine the insecurity of the wives/gf's that snicker at hot women
If you actually did hold those degrees Semper Fi you would probably know how to respond using proper grammer. Not buying it honey! I take pride in my appearance too, but would never show up to an event dressed inappropriately as the wife of a senior officer. You obviously were brought on board late in his career with that attitude towards military social events. Enjoy the 0-5 retirement pay because your husband will not see 0-6 with someone trying to dress and act like a teenager on his arm.
Actually i was with him as prior enlisted as well….been married 23 years….he picks out my dresse and is proud of me on his arm still turning headss…ot asking u to buy anything…just dont prejudge
darn touch pad phone… dresses… heads… not asking ;) just tell a hot woman she's hot and not be prejudice..showing your own lack of intellect. .Your man will think you're the coolest wife ever if you just compliment another woman
I'm really entertained by the thought of you writing graduate papers the way you write these comments.
you're one of those ladies that i have warned my daughter about… that automatically think the worst of a female b/c she's attractive— and feels the need to put someone else down to make themselves feel better…. just a sad way to be… but good luck with that.
you should watch the show "keeping up appearances"… at least one eppisode
Ooh, "one of those ladies." What, a feminist? Guilty. Your idea that I think the worst of attractive women (not females, thanks) is completely baseless. I'm just heartily amused at the circumstances under which a person with two graduate degrees would be unable to work a shift key or have a basic understanding of the proper use of an ellipsis.
No one is thinking the worst of you because of your looks. We don't even know what you look like. The opinion is being formed based on your attitude and comments you have posted on here. Throwing your husband's rank and your education and salary around does not impress me or anyone else on here. And even if it were true, education does not give you common sense or CLASS. I'm a southern girl, and one thing we are taught from the day we are born is how to be a lady and how to be classy. And just because I can be classy and a lady, doesn't mean I'm still not sexy too. My husband and most of the real gentlemen I know would rather a woman be classy, a lady, and sexy than just sporting a sexy dress.
I like your post, and agree with it. However, understand that not every woman was taught how to be a certain way. So, judging isn't the answer either. Ya feel me? I think women need to stick together.
Picks out your dresses? What year is this – 1958? Oh dear. :(
You just proved an EXCELLENT point…although the ball is a tradition, stepping outside tradition is not always a bad thing….
He picks out your clothes. Is he your husband or your daddy? Don't tell me, let me guess: he also tells you how to wear your hair and make-up, right? He probably picks out your heels to go with your dresses to show off your "ink" too. Picks out matching thongs (if you wear them): It all just sounds too special. Bought your big DD's for you as a wedding gift. Wow, you guys sounds like you should win Homecoming King and Queen at every ball. Oops! That's right it isn't homecoming, or a show, or a competition. It's a formal military function. He's obviously confused, and he's led you down the same path.
Ivy League degrees and you use language like "I work dang hard" — come on… this isn't our first rodeo (or military ball).
all you jealous women on here are extremely entertaining…. @june-not trying to use ellipsis..not quoting….just breaks…look up the difference….@southern girl-i wasn't throwing rank or education around-using it to make a point to original comment that one has any relation to the other… glad you can be sexy, classy, lady and educated…that was my point. the original comment said otherwise. so if you're sexy you can't be smart right? well according to haha you seem to agree with her??? all just silly
Yeap, they sound really childish. DDs and thongs, really? Most women wear thongs, it's something that's under your clothing, no one will see it. When you want to avoid a panty line or for your husband to enjoy when you get home.
Let me preface this comment by saying no one picks out my clothes, and I do not have a "daddy"….
If a woman's husband picks out her clothes, make up, thong and nail polish: WHO GIVES A DAMN?? As long as SHE is happy! Who the hell are YOU to judge her lifestyle?? What do you have against fake boobs and tattoos?? Ok, so maybe it is not YOUR style, but it certainly IS someone else's. So, climb down from your high point in the sky, and join all of us regular folks down here…you know, on earth.
I'm sure there are people who don't agree with how you live YOUR life; does that mean it is the wrong way to live?? There is nothing wrong with tattoos, they are regular & decent human beings too. Nothing wrong with fake boobs either…they are just titties! However, I DO agree those should be tastefully dressed…but that tatts…come on now…those can be shown. Boobs are sexual organs…tatts are not.
Well said and very true Kristin. I know I'm a sexy woman, but I sure don't dress like I'm a street-walker because I know I am representing my husband!
At the end of the day, this article is a simple advice. Nobody is trying to attack “sexy”, just explain the consequence of overdoing it. Some things are simply inappropriate and may end up reflecting on your husband/boyfriend etc. not in the best way… The article’s author is offering a favor. Take it and say thank you! A basic google search on “psychology of appearance and dress code” will take you a long way…
Semper Fi- Depends on what you mean by dressing sexy. For instance, sexy women in little dresses at a club or cocktail party are hot. However that same type of dress will just make people roll their eyes, laugh, or even find it disrespectful at a formal military ball. There’s a time and a place for how to dress and if you’re really prior service and hold these degrees you’d think you would understand that. It’s not just jealous women who will think it’s ridiculous for a woman to dress inappropriately at a formal ball considering all the guys and equally gorgeous women who actually knew how to dress correctly for that kind of function who will think the same. That’s not jealousy, that’s knowing this is not the time or place for a dress that’s only meant to turn heads and make it all about you at a ball that’s honoring military life.
I'm sorry Professor, what was your name? Do you have the statistical date to back up your silly statement? I think not. Your comment is sooooooo ignorant. Has it ever occurred to you she may be very intelligent, but has some self esteem issues? Or has never been to a ball? Or didn't have enough money to buy the proper attire but didn't want to miss the event?? You women on here kill me…try putting yourself in someone else's shoes. You never know what is going on in someone else's life…grow the hell up.
I dislike military women who come to a ball wearing a ball gown. If you want to be part of the profession, you lose the right to play "dress up". Sorry.
The thing this article misses is the proliferation of ink on women these days. It's not just the cut of the dress, but the degree to which women display all manner of body tattooing. (Admittedly not my thing, but from a broader consideration, it does bear mentioning).
While sometimes I disagree with female military members wearing a dress instead the uniform, it’s mainly because I wish I could also come in a regular suit sometimes instead of spending so much time making sure all my awards are right for fear that some higher up with take it out on me if I’m a millimeter off or something. However, as long as they’re dressed appropriately for the event I’m pretty much ok with them “playing dress-up”. They’re in an overly masculine work environment where sometimes as I’ve been told by them it’s hard to really get to feel like a girl with all the training they have to do next to us rolling around exhausted in the mud and rain right alongside all the guys. So if she wants to get to dress up and feel like a girly princess for the night just like all the civilian wives and girlfriends at the event then I’m all for it, once again as long as she’s dressed in a formal dress and not just trying to show off her t&a.
If it's a military ball and an active duty female is attending, she doesn't not have the option of wearing anything but mess dress, does she? I've NEVER seen a military female wear anything but mess dress. Otherwise, she would be out of uniform.
In many units it’s commander’s discretion. I’ve been to balls where active duty females have to ear their uniform, balls where they have to wear a uniform unless she comes to the ball with another male service member in which case she can wear a civilian dress, and balls where the commander said the female can choose whether to wear the uniform or a civilian dress.
Longtabsigo, tattoos were my first thought when I started reading the article. Tattoos have signifigance to the owner but never really compliment a ball gown.
We are all women, why can we all not feel like one for the night? Me wearing an appropriate dress within the dress code given to me does not affect anyone… We all work hard so let me feel like a princess for a night..
When my husband retired and we moved to New Orleans, I attended my first Mardi Gras Ball within the first 2 weeks. I was informed then that none of my "conservative" military ball attire would do. I traded them all in for "fun" dresses. There is a time and a place for everything and even though we do not get a lot of opportunities to dress up the way we may want to as military spouses, it is always best to err on the side of conservative. Save your skin and cleavage showing for an appropriate outing. Military balls are not them.
FYI the consignment store was happy to get all my conservative dresses:)
As the wife of a CO believe me your husbands/boyfriends ARE being judged when they bring a date to the ball that is dressed like a hooker (ie: the dresses above). No, it will not reflect poorly on their promotions, re-enlistments, etc, but they are talked about by the senior leadership……and it is not positive. Yes, you do have the right to wear whatever you want, but please know that the attention you are seeking will resort in laughter and negative comments and franklly it makes you look very insecure. It is perfectly fine to be sexy for your man and there are plenty of dresses that can cover you and still be sexy, but the ball is not about you and how hot you look. It is about the time honored tradition of our fighting forces and those who have sacrificed their life so you can have the freedom to "do what you you want". Show some respect.
One last thing before you start your rants. I am a cross fit instructor and could totally rock those dresses, but I save those kind of things for my husband's eyes only. It's called being secure in my relationship.
tho does protest too much….im also a Marine Corps wive of 23yrs… LtCol …CO husband… I have also done xfit for 2 years and 20 triathlons… wtih big fake DD's… I rock any dress…Im not insecure with myself or relationship… and I do respect the Corps and my husbands position….who do you think picks out my dress for the evening…yup the 'Sir"… he loves looking like a man that could land me and makes him feel good. nothing ever see thru or falling out of… just a hot sexy dress with a good pair of hooker heels… dont be so uptight and def don't tell young troops that their hot wife will be talked about negatively or snickered at…..or make sure you tell them the truth… it won't be by your husband or other men…..just the insecure jealous wives. A good CO would never judge by the spouse hotness or lack there of….. that's just ridiculous.
A woman after my own heart on so many levels…. 10 years in with my Major …. countless races and 2o plus years of resistance training .. rocking the D's AND a Master's degree and laughing at all of the uptight judgmental twits out there.
Don't like it, don't wear it. IF the command has a problem with it, that's up to their discretion. If they dictate "formal ball attire" dress 4 and 7 are both "formal" and "ball/evening" attire
I also have 2 degrees… women are so bad to judge and automatically hate other women that are the total package! if they are that easily threatened they have bigger issues than me…keep rocking it girl!
Semper Fi, clearly your husband isn’t being very open with you or else he’s just completely blind to the talk somehow (maybe sue to rank) but it is definitely not just the wives who talk. The guys all talk about whose wife looked like she’d be ready to cheat the moment her man is deployed and stuff to that effect. I can’t even begin to count the amount of joking, ribbing, and sometimes downright mean comments guys will say to each other after events like these about how certain wives looked and acted.
Mike I really like your posts. To me you are describing the very essence of the “Water cooler wife” the one EVERYONE talks about for reasons like this. Again I’ve made whoppers of my own mistakes learning the world of being a Millspouse. I’ve been the one that’s talked about in the very early days. The one that my person had to defend & take the junk that came his way because of my errors. So I know what you say is in deed fact. My hope is that if anyone new comes in I can maybe help them not make the mistakes I did in the beginning.
I just hope you changed for you and not for someone else. Life is too short to live for someone else. Most of the time, those same people who are giving you a hard time are unhappy with themselves. Just a thought…..
didn't say they didn't talk…of course they look and talk…but it doesn't affect the CO's opinion of how good or bad that Marine is…. we talk together about other men/women…whoever. so neither one of us is 'blind' or deaf or immune …. we just don't snicker…we enjoy… frumpy wives snicker d/t their own insecurity.
TRUTH! Sometimes they don't even wait for the event to be over. It's raised eyebrows and knowing looks and little gestures with the chin to other guys… then BIG GRINS traded all around.
Hooker heels?? TACKY!!! XD
I never actually saw ANY of the wives talking bad about each other at the balls because we all knew the RULES and didn't wear slutty dresses, and every single one of us looked classy and beautiful.
Very well said !
Well said Kristin!
Some dress this way as advertisement: when the husband is away, I'm available to play!
As a retired mil wife,if you use common sense you won’t go wrong…I never knew this was such a serious issue….why don’t you know how to use cutlery? My kids know that!
Just wear a dress that is nice and keep all your spouse friends eyes in there head. This is not about you it is about the Marine Corps birthday.
Yes we all like to see legs and ti!s but this is not your bed room. This is a ball with a lot of history. You spouse commanders are there you are to be there in there honor.
So dress nice and enjoy dancing and the history of our beloved Marine Corps.
You need to include the dress that is open from neck to crotcch–I mean, private area and held together by rhinestone encrusted chains. I was completely dumbounded when that's what my commander's wife showed up in to our ball following a deployment to Iraq in 2004.
It has been my experience after almost 20 years of going to every Army and Now Navy function on the list is that no matter what you are wearing if you are the drunk, loud, nasty attitude, stripper dance moves spouse, then you will be a hot mess even in a conservative frock. Since I have worn dresses similar to #4 and #7 I know the value of taking it to a tailor so that I feel comfortable and appropriate in it. Just because you bought it that way does not mean it has to stay that way. If the back is too low raise it up if the slit is too high close it. You can still have the look you want and still keep things PG. I think it is funny that in a military environment that most of us commenting here are in that no one has done what I saw done when a real gem walked in with an inappropriate dress on. Her and her military spouse were asked to leave the function. Well within the right of the command to ask its servicemember and his spouse to leave with the option of returning with an appropriate dress on. They did not return but the message to everyone else was loud and clear. Those of you here in leadership positions complaining about what people wear are not powerless to stop it.
I also wanted to add where is the blog about been seen out and about with the messy bun, sweat pants, flip flops your spouses PT shirt that either says Army, Navy, etc. sans a bra with your three screaming kids in tow one just in a diaper, crocs and a t-shirt? As the rounds are made at the commissary, Exchange, Hospital etc. Where is the outrage (and photos) for that? Or are we just worried about representing when there is a formal function to attend?
LOL! I doubt you'll see an article for that. Most of those women are having a hard time while their husband is deployed. Although, i have three kids and i sympathize with those "i don't care days," i believe that would offend more military wives than help. After all this is suppose to be an article that helps people and not just gossip about other wives. You would think that if it's ok to cut the head off someone's picture(like they're not going to notice themselves) and post it above an article that says "What Not to Wear to a Military Ball," that all other unpleasant attire would be up for grabs, but oh well. Maybe telling people what they shouldn't wear everyday is crossing the line, i don't know. I guess it all depends on what the writer deems tacky.
You only live once…and it isn’t going to last forever ladies. Ball / Formal Event = gown should be full length – cocktails event = above the knee but no higher than mid thigh. Other than that go for it. If you and your significant other are comfortable wearing it, do it. Don’t let the stodgy, green with envy, and the bible thumpers ruin your night.
Raleigh:
While truly "formal: balls are disappearing (multiple forks, knives, glasses, plates, and the odd fingerbowl), they are not gone completely.
Etiquette, as opposed to manners is important. The information is available online. The spouse events should include classes on what can be expected in clothing, eating, dancing, language, drinking, etc. at a ball or dining out. A spouse's meeting would be a good place for the C.O.'s spouse (maybe a man) could present some kind ot learning experience in a non-threatening and generic enviornment.
I have never seen a military community where an expert in this behavior is not available. . . .
I have been married to a Marine for almost 25yrs….going to the Marine Corps Ball for almost 23years… you will never stop girls from dressing sexy and having too much fun… it's all part of their one night to show off themselves to their man…. Be safe… have a Designated Driver and Have Fun !! Semper FI
I don’t know sounds more like their one night to show themselves off to a whole bunch of other men who aren’t their significant other. You’d think you’d have every night to show yourself off to your own man…
you're kidding right?? show off every night….you mean with kids running around, school, work..deployments….. grow up… every woman wants a night out to dress up with their man…. and every woman wants to look nice for other men/woman/significant other. Again…. point being… it's not gonna change- Marines of all ranks should just have fun and have a DD!
you speak for no one
I think that what most people are forgetting is that the wife, girlfriend, date of the marine is (whether we like it or not, a portrayal of the Marine.) The ball is NOT about you. I repeat, NOT about you. Rather it is about the marine. So get a classy, elegant gown that doesn't steal the spotlight. Now that being said, there is nothing that says your gown can't be drop dead gorgeous or make everyone drool. But make sure that you are not stealing the attention from the Marine. A higher ranking official will not come talk to you or even take your Marine seriously if he has brought a long a girl dressed like a stripper. ( Hate to be blunt but its true) Rather the higher ranking officials talk to the Marines who have classy looking dates, because it shows that this Marine has it together and takes his job and the ball seriously. So Ladies, remember that you are going as desert, Not the main dish. This is about him. You want people to talk about what a GREAT impression you left of them, not the fact that they could see your who haw when you danced or that your boob jumped out in the middle of the night… so be careful with what you wear. You can still dress SEXY… I do…but its all about class and taste.
I'd wondered how long it would take before the comments devolved on this thing. I really thought it would be worse than this, which is completely ridiculous, because there is nothing wrong with this article.
An expected dress code is no more or less than that: an expected dress code. Asking participants to show up in appropriate clothing isn't oppression. It's not hating on thin women. It's not jealousy. It's asking participants to show up in clothing that conforms to the spirit and level of decorum of the occasion. Sometimes this level of decorum is different–as with Greta, above, who mentioned moving and finding that the definition of appropriate had shifted in the new place. But showing up in inappropriate clothing when you know that the level of decorum calls for more conservative dress is immature and yeah, inappropriate, and it's silly to get huffy over being reminded of it. I've got a pretty rockin' bod, too, but it doesn't mean I go to the grocery store in my bikini. Time and place, people.
On the flip side of that argument, a woman in a revealing dress is, guess what? A woman who happens to be wearing a revealing dress. That's all. Not a whore. Not any of the other words that get tossed around every time a woman shows a little skin. Not stupid, like one commenter insinuated. No one's IQ drops in proportion to how much of their skin is currently visible.
[face in palm.] Why are we still talking about what to wear and what not to wear?! I thought surely after the homecoming posts our author would have learned that trying to change what military spouses wear to any given event is like repeatedly running into a brick wall. Newsflash – people are going to wear what they want to wear, period. Let's move on to more meaningful topics like deployment support, spouse employment, etc!
[face in palm.] Why are we still talking about what to wear and what not to wear? I thought surely after the homecoming outfit article and the ensuing comments the author would have realized trying to change what military spouses wear to an event is like repeatedly running into a brick wall. Some things you just can't change – let's move on to more meaningful conversation!
I'm not only the spouse of an active duty soldier , but I'm prior service as well. Ive attended several formal balls in uniform and ball gowns. Here is the rule of thumb I've held to and also passed on to the newer girls who've asked. 'Formal' means a step or three above Easter Sunday attire, more conservative than club wear, and be as comfortable as possible with what you choose. Floor length is considered formal, but shorter is also acceptable as long as it's no shorter than 6 inches above the knee. Any color is fine, any material is also fine. These aren't hard and fast rules, but it's fairly proper 'etiquette' for those who don't want to be embarrassed or appear clueless the first time they'll meet their spouses co-workers and entire chain of command. Everyone wants to make their spouse proud, and enjoy the evening.
Love the humorous, informative post. I try not to stare at young ladies that dress like they're in heat; a hostess should make all guests feel comfortable and welcome, but I do consider how people dress reflects their IQ.
While a spouse OR girlfriend is welcomed at a military ball, ALWAYS remember that how you dress is a reflection of the servicemember you're with. The dress you wear MAY have an effect on THEIR career. Dress formally but appropriately. You are NOT going to a movie premier or some other Hollywood gala.
Look classy not sassy I say. I have been a military wife for 10years. I was raised on government cheese and powder milk. I must say I still don't know which fork does what and I don't own a piece of china. I prefer sweats over nice clothes but when I must I represent. I stand next to my man wearing what I should as he won't be the talk because his wife looked trashy by showing too much skin.
I purchase my gowns at consignment stores because I know I will see that person again so I don't want to spend more than I should on a one time wear. The last gown I wore was a black sequins dress to my ankles, a black beaded bag, shaw and nice heels. My whole attire cost me less than $100. I felt confident as I spoke with Admiral Mcraven and his wife as well as General Petraeus. So you don't have to spend a lot to look classy and remember you represent the man that represents our country.
Well said Bren.
Rule #8 (the most important one): Disregard this article entirely. If (and only if) you can pull off the dress, go for it!
Rob Drury,
Major, USAF (fmr)
Semper Fi: Sounds like you both have insecurity issues. If you have to play dress up in public to advertise to everyone else how great you are and "that he could land you" … sounds like immaturity, insecurity and just plain bad taste.
I don't care about your degrees, his rank, your work outs or your big fake DD's; but if you think his co-workers don't notice and his troops don't notice, you are OUT OF YOUR MIND. However, based on your comments getting noticed is what you two are all about.
You two should try showing some respect for the military traditions and go get a hotel room AFTER instead.
you all sound like whiny high school chicks… grow up. just because i like to show off a bod that i work hard to keep doesn't mean im advertising or insecure… just means i i work hard, play hard, study hard and very confident in myself. i am the whole package and it drives other women nuts that spend more time tearing others down instead of building themselves up. but back to the original point… no good CO in any service would let any of his decisions being affected by what another wife was wearing…. that's just ignorant…. you can now all go back to your frumpy tea party clicks…. im training for my 20th triathlon….where i will probably see alot of your husbands… :)
I find it disturbing that any command would base their decision for advancement on looks instead of ability. Who wants an incompetent leader? I can tell by the many comments that different locations have different experiences. If you're happy with yourself, that's all that truely matters. Everyone should do whatever works for them.
Brag brag brag. Nothing productive to bring to the discussion.
Nobody's impressed.
My "don't":
Don't judge. Wear what YOU want to wear and have fun and not worry about what others are wearing. Amazing how much more fun and smooth the evening goes when you just let it all go and not judge :D
I couldn't help but to chuckle about what women should be wearing to a military ball. In the Army we also had monthly "Hail and Farewell-s" for our battalion officers and their wives (and sometimes, girlfriends). One battalion commander's wife (who was also a knock-out blond) was both the daughter of an Army general and the sister of a famous singer and movie star. She wore a pair of very tight leather pants to our "informal", monthly gathering. All of the junior officers greatly admired what they saw and a couple of them even offered to saddle-soap them for her provided she was wearing them when they did it. She knowingly smiled through all of this. Our wives were nonplussed over this if you can imagine! And, as for her husband, our battalion commander, her show was just another example her having fun and flirting as she was known to do. At our military balls, she and the other wives were always fashionably and tastefully dressed acknowledging the presence of our most senior officer and their wives. But, then again, I remember as the battalion adjutant getting my butt chewed by a three-star's aide as our battalion stood in the reception line and some of the officers had drinks in their hand!
In the military we lived in a culture of respect and courtesy that was rarely violated. The wife of the commander who commissioned me held etiquette for both us and our wives. As time went along, I purchased a copy of "Military Etiquette" and referred to it on many occasions. Later in my career, as the protocol officer for a major overseas command, I couldn't find a publication explaining how to deal with foreign military and civilian guests much to my frustration. Yet, our wives were always able to smooth over any rough edges I had left exposed through their wonderful adaptability and willingness to shift to the cultural roles of our host country. They were often our best diplomats!
What our women wear may be important. But, how they behave and insist that their husband's behave if often more important. Even the raciest gown never left the impression that our wives were ever improper. Or, that our wives former life was that as a hooker!
Bravo!
Don’t judge…..I love seeing all the young wives dressed in fun dresses that I can’t pull off in my 40 year old body. They are young, let them be. Everyone should dress in what they are comfortable in. If you don’t think something is inappropriate for the ball, don’t wear it.
My advice is to wear what you want, feel confident and do things intentionally. To **** what others think!
Don’t judge…..I love seeing all the young wives dressed in fun dresses that I can’t pull off in my 40 year old body. They are young, let them be. Everyone should dress in what they are comfortable in. If you don’t think something is inappropriate for the ball, don’t wear it.
My advice is to wear what you want, feel confident and do things intentionally.
OMG! Did nobody else notice that the woman in the first pic flanked by soldiers is lopsided? REALLY? She's flaunting all that and she's about two sizes asymmetrical! HILARIOUS!
yes actually I just didn't want to say it. LOL they are way out of whack!
I noticed that too. She may want to sue her plastic surgeon.
did you know you can google images?…
Exactly, i've been saying the same thing and other wives are jumping all over my comments. I don't really care because it's the truth, we are better than this.
just because you cant fit in one of these doesn't mean ppl cant wear them.
this is why when i was a private, at Bragg, I took a stripper. She dressed like that, she looked good in it, all the other guys were jelious and there dates were pissed. Just a friend did not go anywhere but was fun,
I am sorry but this is ridiculous. Why would someone else care what I wear other than my husband. I only wish I could pull some of these off but at 50 I would laugh at myself. Two of the dress shown are fabulous and I would have worn them in my younger years. Seriously isn’t this America, live and let live. Some people spend to much time worrying about everyone else while the skeletons are just spilling out of their closets.
cause I wouldnt wear it does not give me the right to judge. And as for the comment about going to the px in sweatpants messy bun and screaming kids. some women dont have time to spend on themselves to go grocery shopping.i have 4 kids and work part time on top of doing everything at home. dont judge me if I ran out of milk and had to make a trip to the store without spending an hour on my makeup. you must not have kids 4
I agree. However, you are preaching to a generation who thinks wearing pajama pants to the grocery store is acceptable.
Julia Robert's street clothes (hooker clothes) in the movie Pretty Woman are more conservative than what I have witnessed girls wearing to church. If you look at what women wear on a daily basis and compare it to what hookers were wearing 15 years ago, there is no difference, except that today's modern girl adds sparkles, sequins, and rhinestones and calls it "Diva Wear."
Wow! LOL. Well, I'm a new army wife and I have a ball coming up in November. I honestly can't wait to see all the different personalities and the way they dress. Just like in any place, you will always have the "I'm so insecure I will dress like street hooker, because the extra attention makes me feel better about myself" and then you have the ones that dress like a nun and the "Mightier than Thou". Either way, I don't care… observing all of them and the way they act has always been fun to watch at any party. I'm going to dress classy and sexy without showing any body parts and I will have fun doing study cases of all the catty women in the room. Yay!!!! can't wait LOL
I went to the Birthday Ball last year and as I am not one to dress up, I consulted with and ultimately borrowed a wonderful, ankle length, black dress from a Marine Mom. I was comfortable and looked nice. I consider that to spell success!
Wear what makes you feel pretty and don't worry about what others might think.
When my husband and I first married, he had a ball coming up a month later. I ask him what to wear and he said something floor length and conservative. I went to david's bridal and picked out a strapless floor length gown in royal blue. It was beautiful and didn't show cleavage, wasn't tight, and was classy. You can buy an inexpensive dress and not look cheap. Some of these girls come to formals wearing the trashy prom dress they wore the year before. And for the woman who said that only the spouses sit there and judge… definitely not true, I've been at tables where the entire table joined in on the fun!
And this isn't about who makes more money. Some people are just raised with more class than others… Wearing a dress with cut outs is just skanky looking! I agree with the woman who said they are just advertising who's available when their husbands are overseas! Be appropriate, this is a work event for your husband, by all means have fun, but be appropriate!
I agree 100% with this post. However, I am not one for “following” per se. Getting insight from others yes. But it all comes down to havig and using common sense…I cannot agree that everyone in roles of leadership are worthy of looking up to and “following”. Be your person let your personality come through but keep it classy; it IS doable. I am attending my first Marine Corps ball this November and am confident in my dress…
I’ll admit most of these dresses were tacky and a fashion don’t, but who are you to dictate that? I just went to my first semi-formal Army ball this year and the higher ranking wives were the ones in the crazier “prom dresses” while most of the privates dates were in cocktail dresses or a nice blouse and skirt. tall ladies such as myself can’t fit floor length dresses off the rack, and im not about to spend money getting a dress altered to wear once. It’s all just a ******* contest. Oh my husband makes more money than yours, so I must buy a crazy dress and snub everyone and then tell everyone online what they can and cannot wear to a ball!
I was always told to not upstage my husband because it is his event, not my prom!
Officer's wives especially should wear a tasteful floor lenth gown that does not expose your full back, chest or full legs. It should also be a classy or complimentary color to your spouses dress blues (black, navy blue, red, champagne, etc), no flourescent colors. I think to myself, would a young politicians wife wear this? If the answer is yes, then I'm good to go. I wouldn't want to embarass my husband at a work event.
Wives and girlfriends, if you don't think your date's bosses judge them based on what you are wearing and your behavior at the ball, think again. I promise you that they do and if you are dressed like a slut and/or behave like a drunken mess, they will be spoken to and it will be remembered. And yes, the other wives will snark about you, but you should worry about affecting your SO's career more. If you don't care, then go ahead and be "that girl."
Have a good Birthday Corps. 235!! I grew up an Aviator son and went to many B-day balls. In Calif., N.C., D.C., and Virginia. Even the Brats had their codes. In my teens , there where many other opposites a picking that weekend, and I partook in many late night teen events. One B-day Ball at Quantico, Commandant Shoup had a conference just for us kids. Nice go go talk, but what impressed me is when he stated, " WE (brats) were his responsibility and if we F^*#ed up we would have to report to him at Marine Barricks and face the consequences". I zipped up on the next few B-Balls. Never had to report. He did, when my Dad was buried at Arlington.
respectful, classy and comfortable. Respectful – this is your spouse's formal get together. Deciding to dress in a manner designed to elicit giggles, goggles and "good griefs" from others, shows a sad lack of said respect. NO, we are not saying dress Amish. but try very hard not to look like you are standing on a street corner in Naples waiting for a pick-up! classy – lets make it simple – are you wearing this so everyone looks at you and wonders how the hell you got into that, where your spouse met you if not on said street corner, or what on earth is holding that up? If so – not classy. Comfortable – can you sit comfortably? can you dance without worrying that something is going to fall out and cause everyone terminal embarrassment? If your spouse is choosing your clothes to make you into his fantasy, fine – that's up to you. I have seen very fit women at a ball, looking entirely appropriate and drop dead gorgeous without wearing lingerie as their outerwear; so claiming that you must come in a cut to here, there and everywhere to show off your body – is just so much hogwash.
This is exactly why I choose to not fraternize with other wives and have two friends after two years of being at Fort Hood. I couldn’t even finish reading this back and forth garbage. Worry about yourself, not about others. That’s their problem, not yours. If they want to be whores, let them be whores. If you want to wear a potato sack, wear a potato sack. If you want to blow hundreds of dollars on a Cinderella ball gown, go for it. But squawking about the girl who walked in with an elegant gown that has a little back showing is just the indicator of one thing: Jealousy. So just worry about yourselves, ladies. That’s advice anyone can take.
It's a shame isn't it? I keep my distance from military wives for this very reason. I had one friend that had a husband in the military and she could care less what someone else is doing. Sometimes i think that some people just don't have enough things to fill out their day.
We distance ourselves as much as we can when he’s not at work because of crap like this. I graduated from high school in 2005 and I’m not interested in returning. This is a job and not what defines him or me.
This is exactly why I choose to not fraternize with other wives and have two friends after two years of being at Fort Hood. I couldn’t even finish reading this back and forth garbage. Worry about yourself, not about others. That’s their problem, not yours. If they want to be ******, let them be ******. If you want to wear a potato sack, wear a potato sack. If you want to blow hundreds of dollars on a Cinderella ball gown, go for it. But squawking about the girl who walked in with an elegant gown that has a little back showing is just the indicator of one thing: Jealousy. So just worry about yourselves, ladies. That’s advice anyone can take.
This is exactly why I choose to not fraternize with other wives and have two friends after two years of being at Fort Hood. I couldn’t even finish reading this back and forth garbage. Worry about yourself, not about others. That’s their problem, not yours. If they want to be whores, let them be whores. If you want to wear a potato sack, wear a potato sack. If you want to blow hundreds of dollars on a Cinderella ball gown, go for it. But squawking about the girl who walked in with an elegant gown that has a little back showing is just the indicator of one thing: Jealousy. So just worry about yourselves, ladies. That’s advice anyone can take.
Bravo Kate. I saw this on an fb page and was just disappointed in nearly all the comments. Half the people here don't even know what class is. Being prudent or conservative are not equal to class. Body and sex shaming at it's worse. We already get this crap from men and now women doing to women – it's demoralizing. Like you said, people need to wear what they want and not worry about others will wear.
Look, I'm not for body snarking or sex shaming, but I think there's a valid point in here somewhere about dressing in a manner that coincides with the level of decorum of a particular event. Granted, I think that point gets lost in a sea of that body snarking and sex shaming (mostly in the comments), but it doesn't erase the point entirely.
I really have to wonder if Spousebuzz was that hard up for pageclicks and felt like they ought to regurgitate a topic they knew would bring in the controversy.
While there may be a point to this article it is loss because it is done in bad taste. When you take a picture of someone off the internet, cut their face off and post it above a judgemental article, do you think that the person in the picture won't notice themselves? When wives start tearing down other wives for their choice in clothing it does more damage than good. Are you really going to stop someone from wearing what they want by hurting their feelings? Everyone would be happy if they tend to their own life, closet, husband, children, etc. It's kind of petty, let's unite not divide the spouse communtiy.
As regards taking someone's picture off the internet–that's a very interesting point. Firstly, because it's unethical, unfair, and already opened up the person to ridicule. Secondly, I'm curious as to whether this person consented to have their picture used as a header in a 'what not to wear' article. If this picture was taken without the owner's permission and used on a website that profits through advertising, that puts whoever posted this picture as part of the article in some pretty dicey legal waters.
I think the writer should probably have skipped straight to the kind of article that said "here are some ideas for what to wear to military balls" instead of this–because what point there was has been totally bulldozed by outrage from all quarters–but that wouldn't drive nearly as many page views, would it?
I have been to several balls. Reality is you WILL be judge by what you wear. Your husband will be held accountable for your behavior and it could affect his career, AND his pay. This is an event for HIS work! Your are supposed to be the pride and joy on his arm, don’t cheapen it by your dress and attitude which both should has stayed in the closet. This is what I do for my husband because it is what he does for me. We are a team and support each other.
That may be reality, but just because it happens doesn't make it right. Your spouse's ability to do his job should be judged concerning his advancement and not the actions of someone who is not enlisted. I agree that you are a team, but i can't take my husband to work to do my job or vice versa. While some superiors may care there are some that don't. If you are a supeior officer you should be above childish gossip and judgments based on appearances. Such behavior should be considered bias and prejudice. If you can so easily judge someone by a dress, then you can judge them off what car they drive, color of skin, where they live and so on.
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
I think its pretty sad that you are so judgmental. If someone wants to wear something, why does it matter that much to you? Maybe you should take a long look in the mirror and figure out what is so wrong with your life that you have to act like a mean girl in high school. A person may not have the same taste in clothing as you but at least they don't have a snotty attitude. This is why so many spouses stay away from military events, because of judgemental people like you who feel the need to tear someone down for something so trivial as their choice of clothing.
After reading all these posts, it seems we are divided with one side stating they can wear what they want wherever they want and the other side stating that there are standards for apparel at certain events and those standards should be respected. We all have to conform to dress codes in our workplaces, our restaurants, our gas stations, our military bases, our churches, etc.. We also conform to expected standards for various events, ie. weddings and funerals. So why is a military ball so different that people don't find it necessary to conform, while they do conform for the above mentioned establishments and events. I personally do not care what someone wears, but I care when I see disrepect shown to the customs and traditions that are inherent in my spouse's branch of service. I have great respect for the Marine Corps, for what they stand for and for what they do for our country. If I have to get out of my jeans for one night and wear an uncomfortable long dress and uncomfortable shoes to give proper respect at the Birthday Ball, then that's what I will do.
I agree for the most part about what you're saying. Following the rules is a requirement enforced by those in leadership, their decision may be to correct or make an exception. You need a shirt and shoes for the store and restaurants. I don't know about every church, but most churches tell you to come as you are for the purpose to draw everyone and transition them into a dress code. They might not have certain clothing or able to afford the standard, placing strict requirements can discourage them from coming. Anyway, It's leadership's call, not mine. Why don't we leave it up to them. Would anyone go up to someone in a store and tell them they can't receive service if they didn't work there?Probably not. Would you go tell the manager that they didn't have on the required attire to receive service so therefore they should leave? I would hope not. It's totally necessary to conform, but we must remember that they are adults like you and i. If they chose to ignore the directions, can't afford something better, or just don't know what to wear, who are we to judge?
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I AGREE!!! Sounds to me like she’s one of the wives that no body looks at & shes ****** cause she couldnt pull off wearing a sexy dress or her husband noticed how hot some of the other wives looked compared to his!!! ;)
Is this going to be your standard response to every post you agree with?
@Mel, I agree for the most part about what you're saying. Following the rules is a requirement enforced by those in leadership, their decision may be to correct or make an exception. You need a shirt and shoes for the store and restaurants. I don't know about every church, but most churches tell you to come as you are for the purpose to draw everyone and transition them into a dress code. They might not have certain clothing or able to afford the standard, placing strict requirements can discourage them from coming. Anyway, It's leadership's call, not mine. Why don't we leave it up to them. Would anyone go up to someone in a store and tell them they can't receive service if they didn't work there?Probably not. Would you go tell the manager that they didn't have on the required attire to receive service so therefore they should leave? I would hope not. It's totally necessary to conform, but we must remember that they are adults like you and i. If they chose to ignore the directions, can't afford something better, or just don't know what to wear, who are we to judge?
The ONLY reason I am posting to this is to stop getting the updates from this. I was not sure how else to do it, so I am commenting to unsubscribe. If there is another way to do that, please let me know! Thanks!
This article has nothing to do with clothes. It has to do with integrity. Are you interested in gaining the attention of other men or not? If you are interested, your dress will reflect your intention. I never was one for social obligations and dress standards with military formals. People should were whatever they want to represent themselves. This goes for any organization. This is a societal issue, not a military one. Now, do you have integrity or is your motivation to gain negative attention of other people? Represent yourself and your loved ones well and with good intentions. Your character lasts much longer than your beauty.
I haven't been to a military ball yet, but as a 34 year old woman, umm yeah those dresses are definitely a "NOT". I mean common sense should prevail. Wear something you'd wear to a wedding. [img
Well, my husband retired in 1975 after 30years service. During his career I always looked to the General's wife to see what the proper wear should be. Never went wrong. Your Marine's career is sometimes reflected in what his spouse does and looks like in spite of rumors to the contrary. If she dreams of a career as a stripper she should not display those wares at a Military Ball. Old Marine Wife. .
Our ball had requirements as well. Even with info ahead of time, some women had to be given sweaters to cover up and their significant others didn't look so happy about that. This is a work event for our unit, i.e. dress in accordance and with good taste. Plain and simple. & don't get so drunk that senior NCOs have to escort you to your room and make sure you stay there, it is not a crazy party.
Thank you, oh Thank You….I needed that laugh!!! After 18 years of seeing these horribly tacky, low-class, have no idea what sexy is "dresses" I'm glad someone finally published an article about it!!
What the women who dress like this fail to realize is the simple fact that you are not only at a military ball to have a good time, but to represent your husband… HELLO, I know I never wanted my husband's Commanding Officer to think I was a slut, obviously some don't have a clue. When they're husbands don't make rank, it might, just might have something to do with the fact that your wife was showing more skin at your ball, than she did at the beach during the summer!
Why does this article not mention ink! OMG. if ink is inappropriate leaking from under the uniform is most definitely inappropriate at the most formal of military events.
All that I can say is….sounds like we have a very insecure wife on our hands. I have been to MANY, many Marine Crops Ball events’ being my husband has been in for 18 years and I can tell you now, you can tell which wives are insecure with themselves and with their husbands being around all the pretty women that come to the ceremony. Not to mention the fact that their husbands are grabbing quick looks and talking none stop about these women the next day at work. You can keep telling yourself that your husband isn’t looking but I can tell you that you’re WRONG. He may ever make some sort of negative comments to you about the dress that cute blonde is wearing across the room, that way he can freely look at her (and I do mean get a GOOD look) all the while you’re thinking he is appalled by her appearance.
Look Ladies don’t let this women dictate what you wear or don’t wear. If it looks good on you, and your comfortable wearing it, and of course if your husband doesn’t mind…..wear it. Its only you and him you have to please and I’m 100% positive if he thought it was inappropriate, he will let you know before you leave the house. I mean it is HIS career and I don’t know one serviceman that is going to let a wife, girlfriend or a date ruin his lively hood.
Raleigh Duttweiler grow up….there is tradition involved here, however we do live in 2012 and things have changed (even if I don’t agree with it) in the Marine Corps….if they can change the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell”….then us ladies can wear what the hell we want…..without some old ass (more than likely) FAT insecure wife telling us what SHE thinks!!!!!
this is just plain disrespectful…
Just look comfortably good look classy. Not tat nasty!
I think its disgusting how you posted a picture of people attending a real military ball and are probably justifying it because the faces are partially showing. All you had to do is post examples, that would have been enough. You should remove the photo on top immediately!!!
Just thought I should point out that ball gowns (not dresses) should be full length (not knee length, which would be ideal for a cocktail event). If the man wear a tux (aka dress blues and bow-tie) the woman should absolutely wear a formal, full length gown.
Remember, you are a reflection of your spouse/significant other. Make him look good!
-Wife of a Naval Officer!
Might sound lame to some, but check out what Claudia Joy, Jackie, and Denise wear to balls and such on Army Wives. They know how to dress to impress without looking like hookers. Besides, if you wear a dress that you are falling out of, are you really comfortable? I am not even in the service or married to a service man, but even I know you are helping your spouse to represent and show respect. Be a lady.
I sorta of agree with Boson.
Yes, we have all seen the under dressed, too tacky, stripper looking dresses. However, some of the dresses the blogger tried to convince us not to wear, were, in my opinion, beautiful. There is nothing wrong with a "strappy" dress. So, what if a women's back is exposed, everyone has a back, right? A women should/can celebrate her feminine figure, WITHIN reason. That dress may look like a "spider web" to you, but I didn't see one thing wrong with that dress.
Although the ball is a event celebrating tradition, it does not mean people cannot step outside of tradition. Simply put, each woman should be able to wear whatever style that pleases HER not YOU or your staring, gossiping friends. You do come off as a "mother hen" and perhaps a little jealous of someone who had the guts to set tradition aside and wear something every other women isn't already wearing. Respecting what someone chooses to wear is part of being tolerant of the uniqueness we all harbor. I'm sure every single women in the room didn't like YOUR dress last year. Do that mean her friends should stare (so damn rude…) at you and talk crap?? So in a nutshell: Do I think some women go to the ball looking a damn mess? YES. Leave the mini dresses for the club. Did I agree with the statements you made in your blog? NO. Why? Close minded, judgmental, whining, unhelpful, nagging, misogynistic…etc.
And this gossip is why we plan a vacation during the AF ball. Way more relaxing and fun. We went to Tokyo this year! New Zealand is next year!
I think your article had good intentions but it is the presentation that I take issue with. Positive information is received much quicker than negative. Instead of a "What not to Wear" perhaps an article like "Seven Great Looks for a Military Ball" Remember to keep your comments positive throughout. People quickly pick up on the negative and focus on it. I have discovered that if people feel like they are being attacked on their choices they get defensive. However, when you present someone with ideas and let them choose for themselves, they feel empowered. Additionally, perhaps an article that describes what is expected when you receive an invitation that has things like "Coat and Tie/****tail Dress, Casual, Business Casual, Semi-Formal, Formal" would be quite useful for some people. I know many people "spouses and the military member" have no idea what these terms mean and I am not just talking about some of the newbies. Information is power.
think like a lady, and let the street people walk the streets, the ball is not the place. Respect yourself your family and partner, trust me it will pay off later.
And this is why we avoid squadron functions like the plague. Never been to a ball and never plan on going.
Exactly. We are heading toward retirement and were thinking about going this year just to say we had done it. After this negative display of cattiness and general rudeness, I am seriously thinking about just not going. Every time I try to reach out to the community, I find myself rebuffed by how mean military spouses are to one another. She's fat. She wore sweats to the commissary. OMG, she wore something I wouldn't to a military ball.
Seriously, is this all we are?
We talk about how there are spouses not being reached by FRGs and other sources and the idea is always that the onerous is on them, but we never ever talk about how our behavior impacts their desire or lack thereof to participate. We never think that behaving like high school bullies might be the thing that drives a spouse cut off from family and friends over the edge. After all, we are just being mean and judgmental for their own good. Are we still in high school?
I find these behaviors deeply disturbing and I find them to be drivers of the negative stereotypes about military spouses. And honestly, my life is too short to be surrounded by women who never outgrew their high school mean girl phase.
I cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am by these behaviors and how offensive it is to throw spouses away because they are different than us. What is saddest of all is that the author clearly missed the point of Pretty Woman. The country club chics all looked down their noses at Julia Robert's character (even when appropriately dressed) because she was a hooker. But in the movie the country club set come across as classless because of their behavior.
Ladies and gentlemen, clothing doesn't make the man or woman. Behavior does. I'd rather hang out with a nice woman who is a hooker any day over a bunch of women who think the only thing important in life is putting down another woman because of the way she dresses.
I seriously love this! Bout time someone made this public knowledge.
Yes, you are adults and can wear what you want and if you want to look like a hooker by all means go right ahead. BUT, there are two things you should know before you do this. if anyone else has units or balls are like ours you can categorize each and every wife or girlfriend into 4 groups just by what they wear, you have the
1. fresh outa high school (lots of bedazzle and animal print these days) these ladies either learn quick or sink every year and having been one of these girls decked out in my last year of high school homecoming queen gown i learned quickly after taking up two seats with all my poof
2. the upper ranks wives (the older they get the more you see them flat out wearing pants and a nice shirt or a whole lot of crushed velvet, either way they have attended enough of these balls to wear their pajamas if they want and dang it you better not dare to say a word!)
3.the happy medium (these ladies have had a few years and generally choose anything from a recent bridesmaids dress to a simple sundress. you have your own group of friends and you all dress accordingly so you are not the only one wearing a particular length or style) our ball lands around December/January every year in a very cold state so we stick to sweater dresses or something appropriate for a Christmas program.
4. then you have the skanks ( these girls wear things like in the above posts year after year or some pathetic tube top dress and look like they came strait off the pole. if you choose to be in this category you should know that if you make it to a second year, which we assume you will be dumped by then anyways, the guys are taking bets on how long it will be before you are up on a table showing everyone you have no undies on or who (of the single guys) will be banging you in the bathroom while your date gets a drink.
My husband would like me to add, do your man a favor and put on a real dress, those who bring the skank usually get made fun of relentlessly for the next few months and the stripper jokes are never ending. you also get pegged as the typical military skank that spreads like peanut butter the second your man is away for more than a day.
Classy not Trashy Ladies!
I would like to see a post with example of what you should wear though! Might be helpful to some of these girls who just do not get it….
If the spouses are not allowed to pick what they want to wear to the balls (BTW is this America, the country my husband, fights to defend, that has a constitution, and FREEDOM???) why don't they just issue a uniform to them? Because the wives are not in the military. Our ID cards say DEPENDENT…we should dress to make our spouses happy.
This is ridiculous…if there is a dress code, they better print on the invite/ball ticket.
The lack of taste in some dresses just ends up making the woman wearing them losing respect of others around them. There is definitely a dress code to military ball functions! Even as some etiquette customs have become more a suggestion than a rule, there is still a general rule of thumb. If your grandparents or great grandparents would be ashamed of what you are wearing, you probably shouldn't wear it to a military ball. This is a function that could very well directly affect the way your service member's COC views him or her, which in return can affect their career. If you are showing skin in the areas normally covered by undergarments, this is not the outfit for a ball. FORMAL dresses should be at least knee length to floor length (as directed) and classy in taste. Think old school Hollywood, not Paris Hilton at some party. Dear goodness women, have some respect for yourself, your husband's, and the military! You directly affect the general impression of the military in these functions! Are we as military wives to be respected and looked up to or are we going to be distasteful, trashy, and shame the military? And really, who wants to see you dressed that way? That is for you husband's eyes! At our military ball, there is literally a group assigned to a security detail, and part of their job is to escort out those who are improperly dressed as well as those posing danger or causing public nuisance for whatever reason.
Honestly who really cares what other people wear – be concerned with yourself and your spouse!!! Aside from some interesting reading this issue is going to continue. I have been to military balls since the 80's and its always the same there will be a small percentage of people that will have no idea what to wear as it's their first event and likewise a small group of young men that will find strippers to take just for the effect. Go to the ball enjoy the time with friends and let those people who want to make asses out themselves do just that.
I'm reading these comments that other women make and while some take this article to seriously and some already know what's expected of them and laugh at those who take this too seriously, or even chuckle to themselves going "you know there was this one ball i wore this…" Maybe some don't know that there is an actual regulation on ball etiquette with some military if not all military branches. It goes in to detail on what to wear as far as the service members go as well as what to advise their guests what to wear. The "advice" of these regulations states not to show to much skin and to make sure certain body parts remained covered at all times. I've been going to these events for a while and although not all balls will require ladies to leave wearing the dresses featured. I have seen ladies be asked to cover up because of wearing dresses similar and it was inappropriate dress for the ball i attended it would have behooved the service member to inform their guest (girlfriend, fiance, or wife) what should have been chosen. Keep in mind there is a dress code and that dress code is enforced. Just because your service member wants to show off his hot guest does not mean what that guest is wearing is appropriate. Wear what you want just make sure that for the formal event you are going to that it will be the right item to wear. That should be the main point of this article that people see. These can be considered inappropriate, you can be asked to leave or asked to be covered up. And always remember there is a regulation/guideline provided by the military entity holding the ball/formal event. These events aren't the Oscars/Music awards ladies and gents don't treat it that way.
those dresses sure look good don't they
This will be my 20th Marine Corps Ball. I am not fat and I am not skinny. I am not frumpy and I am not skanky and I am not some jealous wife. I will tell you what I am. I am respectful towards the Marine Corps and my husband. This night is for my husband and his fellow Marines. It's not for me to dress like I belong on Hollywood Blvd or get drunk to the point I have to be escorted out. Even if I had the body to wear those dresses I still would not wear them. Why because I know how to dress and act. I have seen it all. And if you get escorted out don't be crying for a refund. So if you want to be the monday morning joke go ahead and dress like that cuz trust me they do talk about you.
The people that talk about you have nothing better to talk about? Get a life!!! And other friends!!!
Did I say I talked about them? No I didn't. The marines do cuz I have heard it. I have a life and I have great friends so don't even go there.
@Mel, I agree for the most part about what you're saying. Following the rules is a requirement enforced by those in leadership, their decision may be to correct or make an exception. You need a shirt and shoes for the store and restaurants. I don't know about every church, but most churches tell you to come as you are for the purpose to draw everyone and transition them into a dress code. They might not have certain clothing or able to afford the standard, placing strict requirements can discourage them from coming. Anyway, It's leadership's call, not mine. Why don't we leave it up to them. Would anyone go up to someone in a store and tell them they can't receive service if they didn't work there?Probably not. Would you go tell the manager that they didn't have on the required attire to receive service so therefore they should leave? I would hope not. It's totally necessary to conform, but we must remember that they are adults like you and i. If they chose to ignore the directions, can't afford something better, or just don't know what to wear, who are we to judge?
Wait to see your first round of gays at the balll….all bets are off
I bet the same rules won't apply to them!
I agree that certain things should not be worn. Floor length dresses are recommend for an event such as the Birthday Ball. Dresses numbered 4,6 and 7 but, especially "confused dress" are perfectly acceptable. if you have the body to wear a dress like that then do it, I feel like the bigger problem we have at Birthday Balls is women not dressing to their body type. The MCCS class is not just what fork to use it covers ball clothing as well and also other aspects of the ball, how to conduct yourself and etc. the poster herself has said that there are newbies who have no idea how to act. So with that being said I'm not sure why she is mocking the class. I myself have yet been to a ball that only has an "Applebees's" silverware set. In my experience the FRO has been to every single Birthday Ball, since they are special staff to the Commanding Officer, so the FRO bashing is not needed.
Granted, this comes from a different generation, but I loved seeing my father decked out in his Mess Dress for events. My mother, as well as the other officers wives, always looked gorgeous in their dresses, classy and elegant. I would hear a run down the next day of the wives who did not, or who were dancing alone way to early in the night. Now that my son is a NCO in the Marines I get to hear a young mans version of what is seen at the balls. While a man may take pride in having a beautiful wife I doubt that he would be proud to hear the joking about her by the other men afterwards. Why would any spouse/significant other act or dress in a manner that could lessen the respect of the men and women that they work with every day?
As a reminder – whether you like it or not, what you wear, say and do reflects directly on your military spouse. And, yes, his/her commander is watching…..this is the military – find out what is expected of you and support your military spouse. He or she will appreciate your support!
Mine does, and he tells me so all the time.
Point being, this is work, but also a chance to play a little dress up.
You should keep in mind that your spouse does work with the people at this event. In most cases, your husband does not like his wife to be ogled by other men, they don't like their wives to be disrespected or looked at as if the person staring is wondering which street corner his wife was just pulled from.
You reflect upon the person you came with. The dress you wear does make an impression (on them,too!). Should they appreciate your elegance and grace, still respecting you (and your spouse) the next day, or are they commenting on the fact that your clothing (or lack thereof) left NOTHING to the imagination and they officially know what you look like naked. It's not about gossip or highschool, but do remember this job is something that respect is a HUGE part of and should NOT be taken lightly. Even if your dress is the subject in the spot-light.
and the reason this is such valuable info?
We've all seen this, I'm sure: http://www.strangemilitary.com/images/content/848…
I've been to seventeen Marine Balls, as enlisted and officer. I've seen it all and it can be very entertaining. The ball is intended to be a celebration, but it is work related and intended to honor all those who have served and died before us. Keep it elegant and classy. You don't have to dress like a nun, but keep cleavage to a minimum. Nothing too tight or sparkly, no spring colors, it's not Easter, it's the Ball and it's November. Remember it will be cold inside so the Marines don't sweat to death in their blues. Bring a wrap or sweater that compliments your dress. I always try to wear something to compliment the dress blues, so black, red and darker shades of blue always look good. They always say a wife's dress and behavior shouldn't and doesn't affect her husbands reputation, but it does, it really does. Marines are the worst gossipers, so they will be talking about the slutty or weirdly dressed wife for days and making fun of her and her husband. Also try to cover your tattoos and don't get too drunk, I witnessed one enlisted wife get so drunk she slapped the Colonel on the ass. Not good. Not good.
while I agree a lot of wives dress like tramps-and NOT just at the ball! Boson seems to have nailed it. I married when hubby already had 12 yrs under his belt. He was on I&I duty. When we moved to NC, he warned me about other wives. THEY are the Marine, NOT the spouse. Luckily we only did 3 yrs there. Extended RD to 4 yrs to retire from it. I only had to deal with base and bossy wives for 3 yrs.
Rather than the dresses than some women chose to wear, I am more frustrated/embarressed about how incrediebly drunk these people get. The one true ball we went to while stationed in Germany our Regiment was told by the hosting hotel that they would NEVER host another military ball and we were not welcome back in their establishment because of the damages, disrespect, etc that was done. We have yet to go back to a ball because that is all it is, a "let's see how drunk we can get in front of the chain of command" night. No thanks! And yes, I am not a drinker, nor do I find the fun side of it watching everyone else get drunk.
Or you could JUST STAY AWAY and enjoy the night your way with your "man" either on a formal date somewhere else, or at home. I never get wrapped up in these formal brown nosing sessions known as a "ball" I work with these folks all day everyday sometimes 7 days a week why the hell would I want to spend what little time I can with my wife dragging her to a "work" party????
For the army ball for my husband's company, I wore a really beautiful satin floor length gown from Alfred Angelo in "Tealness":
http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdi…
I liked the color because it didn't clash with my husband's green dress uniform, and it's also one of my favorite colors.
I had it altered so it wouldn't show cleavage. I also bought a pretty austrian crystal pin at another store to adorn the waist area where the fabric appears to gather, and I got a black satin short sleeve bolero jacket to cover my out-of-shape arms and keep me warm. (It was the dead of winter.) The whole look was really amazing when it was all put together.
When shopping for a ball gown, think classy and elegant. Always go with a floor length gown. I did not see one person at the ball in a short gown.
" Behind a great man, is a good woman. Behind a good woman is the beauty of a man "
I'm completely new at this, and while I personally wouldn't wear any of the dresses posted above just because they aren't my style, it's very helpful and entertaining to read your posts on this subject. And actually, every other subject you write about. I just wanted to say thank you.
Here is a good link that will help you decide what to wear and more: http://www.etiquette-and-manners-for-the-contempo…
This awesome…… WE have hosted 3 Ball Etiquiette Classes. Our main stress was the Dress Code and that it is a Work thing….. do not be that Girl or Guy!!! So thank you!! :-)
This is a very lievely, even heated, exchange for what many would perceive to be a relatively mundane topic. Let me preface my comment by stating that I am British, hence, my cultural reference frame is completely different. My interest in this blog is two-fold: I am a sociologist who currently teaches a uni course that discusses if and how modern media in general, and social media such as Facebook, Twitter and the ever-growing blog sphere in particular, have altered human discourse and interaction.
Secondly, I am married to a US Navy officer, and was asked by his command to compile a brief etiquette brochure/booklet for visiting US officers and their spouses. My father was a Royal Dragoon Guards officer, and my dear husband's command feels that I am "uniquely qualified" to provide some information. Apparently, there has been an increase in etiquette violations lately, which led to very embarrassing situations (including exclusion from events due to dress code violations, verbal and at least one physical assault on the PMC, drunkenness and loutish behaviour, etc.). As you can imagine, such incidents do not generate goodwill, and can severely damage relations.
The British military culture is regimental in nature, and much of the social life is centred around the mess, which is strictly divided by rank. I understand from my husband that there is no mess in the US, and that this leads to many misunderstandings. Mess rules are very strict and all members must abide by behaviour and attire guidelines. Mess rules for females include that shoulders must be covered during dinner, no hemlines shorter than the top of the knees, no deep decolletage and behaviour becoming of a lady. For men, the rules are equally strict: all British officers must own mess dress, mess dinners require either full mess dress or black tie (most messes have a weekly, usually on Thursday, black tie dinner for mess members only), regular mess attire consists of suits and ties. The mess members' behaviour must of course be beyond reproach otherwise they will face an interview without coffee.
The British military has used published dress code pamphlets for its officer trainees at Royal Military Aacdemy Sandhurst, Britannia RNC and at RAFC Cranwell for years, and they've always included juxtaposed pictorials of what is and is not acceptable. Example: http://www.scribd.com/doc/72677403/What-to-Wear
Similar, but shorter, dress code guides are sent to military members and spouses in advance of mess dinners, dances and balls. They frequently include pictures of dresses and the notice that those who do not abide by the dress code will be refused entry. This is very common in continental Europe as well.
I had intended to use a similar approach of comparing and contrasting in my little pamphlet, but now I wonder if this will be viewed negatively, since the idea of picturing what not to wear is eliciting such a strong response here. Thoughts? Feedback?
A photo is worth a thousand words. Anyone with enough maturity to appreciate propriety loves detailed guidelines.
Ladies, there are so many opportunities to be informal, why not adhere to the dress code and wear a floor length gown? As for the sexy gowns, please remember this is a WORK FUNCTION. It is not date night with your husband. Please dress as sexy as you like when your husband is taking you out on the town, (I do) but a military affair is not the place. As a military wife of 21 years, (and still counting) I have seen a lot, but the inappropriate dressing has only been in the past few years. To the younger ladies I say, I may not still have all that I had, but even when I did, I didn't flaunt it in my husband's co-workers and bosses faces. My husband knows what I have and appreciates it, he doesn't need me to prove it to his co-workers. Those of us who choose not to flaunt it do so because we want people to respect us, and like us for who we are inside, the real us. Like it or not, people make judgements about who you are based on how you look. (Lots of studies have been done on this.) Is the first (and lasting) impression you want make is "I've got a great bod and I want everyone to see it?" Somehow, dressing in revealing, sexy clothing at a military ball seems cheap and degrading. I AM NOT saying you are cheap or sleazy, but that is the impression you will give. Why risk it? This is your husband's night not yours, dress in a way that shows respect for yourself, as well as for the other men and women present. I promise you, you can't go wrong by showing less skin. (I'm not talking turtleneck!) Anyway there are plenty of SEXY dresses that are appropriate! Many times it is MORE sexy to give a hint of what you have than to just have it all hang out for everyone to see. A one shoulder dress with a slit up the side is sexy but not too revealing. As for those of you who argue that it doesn't matter what other people think, and your husband likes how you dress. I wish it were true, but believe me you will receive fewer invitations because people don't want you coming over to their house or going out to dinner with them and you showing your boobs to everyones husband all night. My boobs look just as good as yours, but out of respect for you and your marriage I won't keep putting them in your husband's face. What one calls sexy, 100 others call slutty. Err on the side of caution and you will never be sorry! Please don't write that I am hateful, old or stupid. I am none of these things. I do however see these gals and feel bad for them because they stand out like a sore thumb and are attracting all the WRONG attention. Be known for your success in your career, your generosity of spirit, your intelligence, your quick wit, your loving demeanor, your decisiveness is stressful times, your leadership abilities, not for being the gal who flashed her hooha like Britney Spears or the gal who likes to show-off her boob job.
She is NOT talking down to other women, she is simply giving a guideline! not to mention guys have all of two choices to wear- Military Service uniform or a tux. The term Ball indicates floor length, CLASSY wear, but for all the balls I have gone to it is obvious some women can't look classy for the life of them and maybe it's because they don"t know what right is! Shesh get off her back. She is doing a service to the girlfriends, fiancee and wives of service members. I sure get red when I see a woman wearing a dress with a slit up to you know where and it's not because I really care, but she is giving women, and military women at that, the stereotypical name of tramp or trash!
You may not care what you wear, you may htink you can wear whatever you want. Your Marine will hear about it the next day and for many days, months, even years later. His command XO will come have a talk to him, they will explain that his choice of date reflects who he is. If he was hoping for a promotion around ball time well remember Military Life is 24-7-365. Things like this do have a lasting effect on your military career.
As a cadre member of an Army ROTC unit, it is my responsibility to ensure that the female dates of our cadets represent themselves, their date, the unit and the University in a respectful and diginified manner. The dresses that you showed are the kinds of dresses that we specifically ask our guests, spouses and dates to NOT wear. I have told young women to go home before because their dress did not fit into our dress code and image that we would like to represent. Thanks for the images. I will be using them in my briefing this year.