“I told my friends that we’re moving,” my 8-year-old son announced while I was cooking dinner.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. “We’re not moving.”
But maybe we were. And maybe I had just lied to my very intuitive son. And maybe I had absolutely no idea what to say or how to explain to him the complex process and ever present uncertainty of a military PCS.
Our family has lived at our current duty station for over four years. My children don’t remember living in any other town or in any other house. They’ve seen friends come and go, but we’re still here. We’ve never held a family meeting to discuss the prospect of packing up our belongings and putting them in another house, in another location where they will attend another school and make other friends.
But now the time has come. My husband is awaiting orders. And apparently those hushed conversations we’d been having about our next possible military adventure weren’t hushed enough. Little ears had overheard, and we’re left with a son who’s been internalizing this confusing, stressful information for who knows how long.
I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from my children. I was trying to protect them. Last year I watched a friend trying to prepare for a PCS while her husband’s orders were changed three times in six months. That isn’t something I want to have to explain to my kids. So I figured I’d wait until we have orders in hand, and we’re positive exactly when and where we’re going before breaking the news. I’d tell them when there was something to tell.
For now, as we wait to learn our military fate, we told our kids there’s a possibility that we’ll be moving but it won’t be anytime soon. Otherwise, I’m at a complete loss as to how much information an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old need about a PCS and how long before the actual move they should hear it.
So help me out! I need your advice. Is there a right or wrong time to share the news of a PCS with your children? How have you broken the news of a PCS to your kids? How did they take it?
About Heather Sweeney
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We have had such a different experience. We have averaged a move every 1 to 2 years for the past 7, and prior to that the it was 4 years here, 3 years there. PCSing as always been an adventure to us and therefore we have always been very up front with the kids about moving. In fact, our youngest who will be 7 next month has told us on a couple of occasions already he is ready to move again because he likes moving! lol And I can honestly say I am right there with him. Mind you, we have only been here 10 months. I am a nomad by nature, not really interested in 'putting down roots' at any of the locations the Army has taken us. We know where we want to be, but that will have to wait until retirement. So, for us we tell our kids even when we are just thinking about going somewhere else. And with each move our kids have been very excited. There are always going to be new friends to meet, new places to explore. Why limit ourselves?
Your child was 4 and didn't remember living there? Weird.
We don't mention PCS til about a month or so out. Otherwise, we'll have questions til the day actually comes. We squeeze in extra play dates with friends and such. The children think they're just having a good time… We're letting them get all the time in that they can. We share with other parents, but are very clear to not tell the children. It's worked out well so far!
We try to keep them in the loop, once we have something sort of firm in the works. For example, we pretty much knew this time WHERE we were going, just not exactly WHEN. The WHERE has now been locked in, so we'll wait for orders in hand before we tell them the WHEN.
I tell my kids they have friends at the new house, we just don't know their names yet. When we arrive I try to immerse the kids in the fun things to do and the geography of the location. Having a great church helps too. The LDS church is a family waiting to welcome us no matter what location we are in.
How do you explain to three 9th graders that they will be moving. We have been lucky, we have had to move only 1 time in 10 years, but my husband will e promoted shortly and a move will follow?